School bullying

[Clive]

I coach kids boxing, it is a very positive space, no hard men because at some point (and soon) every single one will get humbled. Not all gyms are as friendly, but in my experience most are very nurturing places. There is no picking on the small kid with your mates to back you up, or running away if the victim catches you with a good shot.

doesn’t have to involve being able to handle yourself though

in the last 2 weeks my kids have been waterskiing, sailing, zip lining and many other things they did not want to do in tje moment so had to be pushed hard to get them to try. Every single push outside their comfort zone is an uncomfortable challenge BUT becomes another building block in their confidence

even simple things like getting them to order their own food in restaurants or drinks at a bar all helps

too many parents do too much for their children these days imo

also keep then away from x box and other such devices - they are the root of all evil in kids today and turms them into shy, mindless zombies

 

[teslacoils]

Unfortunately, children who do not fit the system are negatively impacting the studies of other students and they should in all probability be taught in a dedicated school for children who clearly need additional support, smaller class numbers and staff with experience of teaching and role modelling for children with problems. Failing that, don't bother trying to educate them whatsoever. I have no issues with someone's child refusing to ever attend school but object vehemently that problem child should be a educated at the expense of everyone else.

Putting a child in a pupil referral unit costs approximately £50k a year. Schools are strongly encouraged to not exclude.

 

[MRT]

Putting a child in a pupil referral unit costs approximately £50k a year. Schools are strongly encouraged to not exclude.

What is the cost to the country in terms of disruption of others education I wonder?

 

[ollie989898]

you make a lot of sad, stereotypical assumptions there ! most people are decent and would be horrified to learn their child was a bully

however there are ways to deal with the kind of idiots you describe as well !

most schools are terrible at dealing with this issue, not their fault but lack of resources, i have friends who have had terrible experience of this sadly. leave it to the school at your peril imo !

No Clive, I am not making stereotypical assumptions: I deal with the general public a lot. What I have described is absolutely feasible. Yes, you are right that the parents of an average pupil in a secondary school in the UK will be perfectly decent, law abiding adults. But there are people out there who will fit the illustration I painted who literally don't give a hoot because their take on life is rather different from the mainstream.

I do believe that most people are out there trying to act decently and do the right thing, but a small number may not be.

 

[ollie989898]

Putting a child in a pupil referral unit costs approximately £50k a year. Schools are strongly encouraged to not exclude.

Absolutely, I can well imagine. But ultimately that kind of environment would be better for them AND the remainder of their class.

 

[ollie989898]

I coach kids boxing, it is a very positive space, no hard men because at some point (and soon) every single one will get humbled. Not all gyms are as friendly, but in my experience most are very nurturing places. There is no picking on the small kid with your mates to back you up, or running away if the victim catches you with a good shot.

I would like to send my children to such places, or judo or similar, mostly for the confidence and fitness angle. Though they are both still very young their nature is that I very much doubt they would ever lay a finger on anyone out of malice.

 

[Clive]

.

I do believe that most people are out there trying to act decently and do the right thing, but a small number may not be.

that’s exactly what i was saying

 

[MRT]

I would like to send my children to such places, or judo or similar, mostly for the confidence and fitness angle. Though they are both still very young their nature is that I very much doubt they would ever lay a finger on anyone out of malice.

My son has boxed all over the country and has had some hard knocks but never refused another round, he has been known to stop sparring and pick a spider off the ring floor and put it out the window, also has never thrown a punch outside the ring. It doesn't change your nature. Leave it until they are at least 8, they need emotional and physical maturity to process the whole thing

 

[Dry Rot]

doesn’t have to involve being able to handle yourself though

in the last 2 weeks my kids have been waterskiing, sailing, zip lining and many other things they did not want to do in tje moment so had to be pushed hard to get them to try. Every single push outside their comfort zone is an uncomfortable challenge BUT becomes another building block in their confidence

even simple things like getting them to order their own food in restaurants or drinks at a bar all helps

too many parents do too much for their children these days imo

also keep then away from x box and other such devices - they are the root of all evil in kids today and turns them into shy, mindless zombies

Ditto the above, but encouragement even for failure must come second. My parents' mantra was "But you could have done better if you'd tried harder". Consequently, I didn't try as hard as I should have done because I knew the reaction would be the same. But now training dogs, horses, etc. I realise it is the best way to get results. Humans, especially, appreciate recognition and praise for success and perhaps sympathy and understanding when there is failure.

 

[ollie989898]

Ditto the above, but encouragement even for failure must come second. My parents' mantra was "But you could have done better if you'd tried harder". Consequently, I didn't try as hard as I should have done because I knew the reaction would be the same. But now training dogs, horses, etc. I realise it is the best way to get results. Humans, especially, appreciate recognition and praise for success and perhaps sympathy and understanding when there is failure.

This is why positive reinforcement in children (and some adults) is very very important. A lot of parenting, teaching and mentoring is based on this. It is also important to be very careful in how criticism is given.

 

[Chae1]

doesn’t have to involve being able to handle yourself though

in the last 2 weeks my kids have been waterskiing, sailing, zip lining and many other things they did not want to do in tje moment so had to be pushed hard to get them to try. Every single push outside their comfort zone is an uncomfortable challenge BUT becomes another building block in their confidence

even simple things like getting them to order their own food in restaurants or drinks at a bar all helps

too many parents do too much for their children these days imo

also keep then away from x box and other such devices - they are the root of all evil in kids today and turms them into shy, mindless zombies

Our sons been at summer camp at local loch. Didn't know any other kids in group of over 40.

There's no way I would have done that at his age. Would probably struggle now. He did lots of new things. Met other kids.

Totally agree with getting them to order in restaurants etc too. It's great seeing them turn into person I'm not. Was looking for a book in bookstore, couldn't find it so went and asked at till and asked lady who took him to find it.

His school only has 42 kids so not many friends to choose from. He's into computer games. Loves his switch.

 

[flowerpot]

It's a little off the wall, but one of the best thing my parents ever did was wrench me out of my comfort zone and away to martial arts classes at night. I had a brief play at taekwondo, then the gym changed hands and we all shifted across to jiu jitsu, and then I took up karate in my later teens

it was a real life-changer for me, not necessarily because it gave me the ability to win scraps but just the confidence factor. Stopped me getting bullied very quickly because it shifted my naturally passive nature to be a lot more assertive - and, of course, you can back yourself if need be

It's definitely worth a shot, it gets you out of a negative space and into an extremely positive one with different people

Yes, my 10 year old was doing a martial arts class, he is the least confrontational person ever, his older brother was pretty nasty to him and he just kept out of his way, never fought back. He had trouble at school with one boy constantly picking on him, until one day my son retaliated, and got him in a lock that he couldn't get out of. When he said he was hurting, my son let go of him and he ran off. The school discovered this fight and telephoned me to say that there had been trouble and I met my still-crying son coming up the drive from the school bus. The school moved the other boy to another class (I think they must have been aware that there was bad feeling between them but hadn't done anything about it). But my son never had any trouble after that at all.

But OP, there really should be proper measures in place for your daughter, there have been too many sad cases of pupils being bullied, the school should take it seriously.

 

[Kiwi Pete]

I would like to send my children to such places, or judo or similar, mostly for the confidence and fitness angle. Though they are both still very young their nature is that I very much doubt they would ever lay a finger on anyone out of malice.

I have never really 'had to' lay a finger on anyone - a couple of incidents at school (because the school wouldn't step in, surprise surprise) and I nailed a rapist one night. Caught a burglar and bust his elbow when he pulled a knife, and that's all

as you say, confidence!
Beats hiding in the wardrobe, that aint living

 

[teslacoils]

Mrs teslacoils was bullied from age ten until the end of secondary school. It still affects her today. It's not acceptable in a civilised society; nor is getting shirty with the parents; nor telling your child to hit them back.

Building a child's confidence is the main job of patents, however that is. But if it is in school then it needs to be handled by the school. But as we all know, there are ways of dealing with bureaucracy, and that's why I have spelt out the process. I've been through it before, and am quite happy to assist via pm.

I'd also suggest that, if anyone feels the need to be socially useful, volunteering as a school governor / scouting assistant etc is both rewarding and enlightening. I'm not condoning behavioural issues in school, but I'll just say it can be eye-opening to leave your ivory tower and see what the reality is for urban families.

 

[Anymulewilldo]

Sorry to hear this. I hope you can resolve it. You

I hope my kids don't have to experience being bullied. Each day I drop mine of at school/nursery I say "be good, be kind, have fun". If was told they were bullying anyone as they get older they would be so severely punished they would not continue.

However I have also drilled into my older one that if someone is being unkind to him or anyone else he should take the following steps:
1) ask them to stop
If it continues
2) tell a teacher
if it continues
3) ask them to stop
If it continues
4) tell the same teacher
If it continues
5) f**king smack them as hard as he can!

I have made it clear to my son, if he follows the process he will have my support. I have also told the teacher this.

Many don't agree but I learnt as a teenager that most the time a bully needs to be given a bloody good hiding. As said earlier violence is not the answer, but sometimes it is (when other options have been explored)

When I was in year 8/9 I was getting bullied at School. I was given the same advice by my parents. Mum sent a strongly worded letter too my head of year about the bullying, nothing changed so I was instructed too “lay him out next time he starts it. You mustn’t instigate it though” within a week I was in the deputy heads office for fighting. Every question was answered with “Call my parents please” Mum descended on the office like the wrath of a seriously vengeful god. I was let totally off the hook, the lad in question was put in isolation for a week and I was left alone ever after that. Violence is not always the answer, but after saying “please stop doing that” for the 20th time, pretty obvious that wasn’t working either.

 

[ron mcp]

Could you not persuade her father to make his daughter see the error of her ways?

I remember my dad doing that when I stared to get grief at school

only way to solve it

 

[Surgery]

We had a parent come into school assemble with the head teachers permission , as her son was being bullied , and spoke in front of the hole school about bulling at great depth , I think the embarrassment it caused to the bullies , and a letter via the school to the parents of said bullies , snubbed it out straight away.