Things that make you sad

[Mrs Holwell]

One of my Aunts had low blood sodium, yes its way more serious than it sounds!

The hallucinations he had were awful for him - he laughs about them now but really believed them when they were happening.

 

[FonterraFarmer]

I am sometimes compared to him as I am quick tempered and don't suffer fools gladly, I am opinionated and am unafraid to voice that opinion. I do however try my best to refrain from being critical too quickly with my loved ones which can lead to a painfully bitten tongue at times.
The main difference between me and my father is that I have been and continue to be a good dad and grandad.

I am envious of those that have a really good relationship with their dads, I feel I missed out on so much throughout my life because of an unforgiving selfish, violent, drunken father, I have two brothers that have committed suicide and a lot of the blame for that can be put squarely on his doorstep.
I left home before my 16th birthday to get away from his bullying, there is so much more I could say but an Internet forum is probably not the right place to write about it and if I did it would spoil my Sunday .

My Dad was the best of blokes and the exact opposite of what you describe and had, he died at 61 just over 20 years ago, I walk past where he died just about every day and there isn't a day that I don't miss him.

 

[FonterraFarmer]

The hallucinations he had were awful for him - he laughs about them now but really believed them when they were happening.

My Aunt when she found out and was OK , found out two of her family members had the same problem.

 

[Danllan]

Nothing lasts forever, everything changes. The problem is that a lot of people don't understand this or pretend it isn't true.

 

[multi power]

Thanks.

He had a very mild stroke 4 1/2 years ago (while driving the Matbro back across the farm) from which he recovered about 90%. Last May he was hospitalized for 18 days with low blood sodium, much more serious than it sounds, and that knocked him badly. Now it's not clear whether it's just his age or something underlying. A whole load of tests have not found anything abnormal. It's really got him depressed though, he's always said "once i'm no use you'd better dig a hole and shoot me", only partly in jest.

If I make 80 as active as he did I'll happily accept that, he was doing full days of general farm work still.

All I can say I would not like to have to spend 18 days in hospital, even one night would be enough for me

 

[Hummin-Cummins]

Some amazing stories in this thread,
Take the positives out of it - dont forget your Dad has done his time of hard work im sure he's worked harder than i ever have or ever will, its only fair his body says no and makes him takes it easy from now on!

 

[waterbuffalofarmer]

Thing that makes me sad is that dad has a heart condition, so he can't do as much as he would like to. He's had a couple of heart ops, but they have just made it worse than it was. Past day his heart has been irregular and today I think he may have to go to A&E to have it sorted out always stresses him out that he can't get stuff done and us kids really have to tow the line, which can be hard at times, but if it keeps him safe and well I am happy to do it! Am really sorry to hear about your father btw, my grandfathers are in their 80's, non farmers, and one is very active and my grandfather on my dad's side is very immobile, he's getting his hip done in a few weeks time.

 

[Pasty]

My old man is 80 and not in brilliant nick. We get on well but there is a load he can't do any more and sometimes I wince when he is on the chainsaw etc. but what can you say? I'll probably be the same. Telling him he can't use a chainsaw any more and to go and sit inside would be worse for him than hacking his leg off probably. Very difficult.

We get on well but disagree on every single thing that ever was. Makes it very difficult as it's my place now and my living and I have to support my family where he has savings from the sale of the mojority of the farm and will never want for anything. My wife says I need to engage with him and get him to help were he can but the problem is doing jobs with him just drives me nuts. We don't fall out, I'm not like that but I just want to do stuff on my own. Essentially anything I say or suggest he will disagree with and this is on MY farm. I know it was his once and that must be hard but what I find difficult is that he won't budge an inch. I'll budge a mile if I can make him happy but I've still got to make the ultimate calls on what goes on. He doesn't see the bank account or pay the bills any more.

I don't know. I'm a bit stuck. People will say 'just talk to him about how you feel'. Those people don't know him like I do. So what do I do with a stubborn old bugger who really wants to be involved, I get on well with outside of the work situation but can't help disagreeing, criticizing and so on and so on and so on. I made a list of all the things which had changed since I took on the place from trimming the hedges a foot higher to positions of gates and fences. There wasn't a single thing that he hadn't told me was a mistake and he uses that word a lot. It's not like it changes what I do. If the job fails, it'll be down to me.

I think what really hacks me off is that he has a hell of a lot to offer. But it's all wasted as I don't take any notice of anything he says because he HAS to disagree with me. That's just depressing. I want to involve him. I want to learn from him and I want him to do what he really wants to do at his own pace but it's almost like he won't let me (or him) have that. Any suggestions welcomed.

 

[multi power]

My old man is 80 and not in brilliant nick. We get on well but there is a load he can't do any more and sometimes I wince when he is on the chainsaw etc. but what can you say? I'll probably be the same. Telling him he can't use a chainsaw any more and to go and sit inside would be worse for him than hacking his leg off probably. Very difficult.

We get on well but disagree on every single thing that ever was. Makes it very difficult as it's my place now and my living and I have to support my family where he has savings from the sale of the mojority of the farm and will never want for anything. My wife says I need to engage with him and get him to help were he can but the problem is doing jobs with him just drives me nuts. We don't fall out, I'm not like that but I just want to do stuff on my own. Essentially anything I say or suggest he will disagree with and this is on MY farm. I know it was his once and that must be hard but what I find difficult is that he won't budge an inch. I'll budge a mile if I can make him happy but I've still got to make the ultimate calls on what goes on. He doesn't see the bank account or pay the bills any more.

I don't know. I'm a bit stuck. People will say 'just talk to him about how you feel'. Those people don't know him like I do. So what do I do with a stubborn old bugger who really wants to be involved, I get on well with outside of the work situation but can't help disagreeing, criticizing and so on and so on and so on. I made a list of all the things which had changed since I took on the place from trimming the hedges a foot higher to positions of gates and fences. There wasn't a single thing that he hadn't told me was a mistake and he uses that word a lot. It's not like it changes what I do. If the job fails, it'll be down to me.

I think what really hacks me off is that he has a hell of a lot to offer. But it's all wasted as I don't take any notice of anything he says because he HAS to disagree with me. That's just depressing. I want to involve him. I want to learn from him and I want him to do what he really wants to do at his own pace but it's almost like he won't let me (or him) have that. Any suggestions welcomed.

I know exactly how you feel

 

[waterbuffalofarmer]

Honesty is always best, I feel. Try and talk to him and tell him how you feel, show where you both stand, reasonably ofc. You could tell him that you want his help, but you feel he is not giving you the benefit of expressing how you feel about things. Hope this helps and i hope you can get things sorted soon!

 

[michael N123]

Running out of biscuits on a rainy sunday

 

[7610 super q]

Running out of biscuits on a rainy sunday

I think that puts all other posters troubles into perspective.....

 

[Danllan]

Essentially anything I say or suggest he will disagree with and this is on MY farm. I know it was his once and that must be hard but what I find difficult is that he won't budge an inch... I think what really hacks me off is that he has a hell of a lot to offer. But it's all wasted as I don't take any notice of anything he says because he HAS to disagree with me.

If it was any other but your father you'd say he was being an *rsehole and, in fact, he is but you 'can't' say so.

We had the same in our family and have seen it in others. Just give him a 'hypothetical' example of someone acting in that manner and see what his opinion is, when he gives it you can point out it was in fact him last week... If he persists just keep loving him but remove him from anything that will lead to frustration, it worked for us.

 

[Mrs Holwell]

Couples or families sitting in a restaurant - all on their 'phones or other devices. They are missing out on so much time with each other that they will never get back

 

[michael N123]

I think that puts all other posters troubles into perspective.....

To make matters worse i noticed my valtra 8050 had a flat tyre in back of the shed as i was gonna put the tedder on and grease it up so got the air compressor out and that came on for a few seconds then that packed in

 

[phillipe]

To make matters worse i noticed my valtra 8050 had a flat tyre in back of the shed as i was gonna put the tedder on and grease it up so got the air compressor out and that came on for a few seconds then that packed in

sorry but , thats the way it is ,i have those days ,you have to laugh

 

[michael N123]

sorry but , thats the way it is ,i have those days ,you have to laugh

I have those days everyday

 

[wasted years]

To make matters worse i noticed my valtra 8050 had a flat tyre in back of the shed as i was gonna put the tedder on and grease it up so got the air compressor out and that came on for a few seconds then that packed in

Grease a machine?
It must have been the shock that did for your compressor.

 

[phillipe]

I have those days everyday

i get runs of them ,and it drives you mad but then something goes right ,and the world is a better place

 

[michael N123]

Grease a machine?
It must have been the shock that did for your compressor.

Possibly was haha