kiwi pom
Member
- Location
- canterbury NZ
can’t be too bad if that’s all you’ve got to complain about.
Life’s to short to worry about stuff like that.
Life’s to short to worry about stuff like that.
Why are families such a pain in arse.
- Thread starter Boomerang
- Start date
- Location
- somerset
this must ring true, in many farmers eyes.
forget the insignificant bits, like the drill, just thank them for removing some junk from the workshop, that will definitely hit home. And don't worry about a permanent fallout, looks like on the card already. At least you know there's going to be hassle, prepare for it, speak to your accountant, get advice from a specialist solicitor, not a run of the mill one.
She/they are already fighting for max amount they can, and by doing so, they don't give a damn about you. So fight your corner, there's no family love, when it comes to large amounts of money, on the table. But willing to bet, that specialist solicitor knows how to help you, well worth the money you spend.
forget the insignificant bits, like the drill, just thank them for removing some junk from the workshop, that will definitely hit home. And don't worry about a permanent fallout, looks like on the card already. At least you know there's going to be hassle, prepare for it, speak to your accountant, get advice from a specialist solicitor, not a run of the mill one.
She/they are already fighting for max amount they can, and by doing so, they don't give a damn about you. So fight your corner, there's no family love, when it comes to large amounts of money, on the table. But willing to bet, that specialist solicitor knows how to help you, well worth the money you spend.
john432
Member
- Location
- Carmarthenshire
It's always happened .. the fledged syblings always think they have some god given right to come back and take from their birth home... usually ends in sparks when a new queen puts the rules down!
betweenthelines
Member
- Location
- southwest
"You can choose your friends but you can't choose your relatives"
My brother in law stabbed his two brothers in the back big time. Father and mother made mirrored wills leaving farm to each other then equal shares to the three sons. Father died 1st, mother changed the will leaving £1.5k farm complete with equipment to one son, the other two got £10,000 each.
If making mirrored wills, make sure it can't be changed on the death of the first spouse.
If they are that way incline over a worthless pillar drill, they will certainly be after all they can get later down the line. "By their deeds ye shall know them".
If making mirrored wills, make sure it can't be changed on the death of the first spouse.
If they are that way incline over a worthless pillar drill, they will certainly be after all they can get later down the line. "By their deeds ye shall know them".
Red Fred
Member
- Location
- Hants/Dorset border
No one is ever happy in these situations- I might think "The bugger took the drill he gave to dad" but he might think " I haven't seen him use it and he's had it for 10 years to use for free so I'll take it back cause I need it for a job of my own."
As dad used to say, no good deed goes unpunished, and no matter what you do for people, they will become aggrieved when you stop. No one says thanks for the time you allowed me to shoot/detect/ride over your land, they just call you an old misery when you tell them to stop, even though 99% of those asked didn't even give them the time of day.
As dad used to say, no good deed goes unpunished, and no matter what you do for people, they will become aggrieved when you stop. No one says thanks for the time you allowed me to shoot/detect/ride over your land, they just call you an old misery when you tell them to stop, even though 99% of those asked didn't even give them the time of day.
- Location
- Devon
Meanwhile, on a forum far far away; . . . . . . . .
I've just got married to an amazing lady and life would be perfect if it wasn't for her family.
We've been together for well over a decade and I've always tried to fit in but they just seem completely paranoid that I'm going to 'steal' the farm.
It's got so bad, we couldn't have the wedding she really wanted but had a lovely little private affair instead, just to avoid the hassle and accusations of money grabbing.
When her Mother sadly passed, we tried to have a constructive discussion about inheritance so that it could be forgotten and no longer be an issue but it only seemed to create more resentment.
We thought it might have just been too emotional to sort it while grieving so have tried a couple more times to get everything written down so that they can relax.
And now, we have just been to collect a shed from the farm and I hoped they would have felt more positive towards me know that I've 'made an honest woman' of her but today got a snotty call because I picked up a drill I let them borrow god knows how long ago and had never even moved!!
What more can I do?
I would love for my wife and I to have a good relationship with her family but I really feel like giving up.
I've just got married to an amazing lady and life would be perfect if it wasn't for her family.
We've been together for well over a decade and I've always tried to fit in but they just seem completely paranoid that I'm going to 'steal' the farm.
It's got so bad, we couldn't have the wedding she really wanted but had a lovely little private affair instead, just to avoid the hassle and accusations of money grabbing.
When her Mother sadly passed, we tried to have a constructive discussion about inheritance so that it could be forgotten and no longer be an issue but it only seemed to create more resentment.
We thought it might have just been too emotional to sort it while grieving so have tried a couple more times to get everything written down so that they can relax.
And now, we have just been to collect a shed from the farm and I hoped they would have felt more positive towards me know that I've 'made an honest woman' of her but today got a snotty call because I picked up a drill I let them borrow god knows how long ago and had never even moved!!
What more can I do?
I would love for my wife and I to have a good relationship with her family but I really feel like giving up.
Spencer
Member
- Location
- North West
So it was your shed....
- Location
- East Essexshire
Try all of it, "Because you haven't got kids".
Cab-over Pete
Member
- Location
- Kenilworth, Warwickshire
I regularly count myself lucky that, as a family, we have always had very little to argue over.
When my Dad passed away he left my sisters and I just about enough to buy a second hand runabout car. The business, quite rightly, went to my Mum and brother, who was Dads right hand man. Dad always paid my brother and I a good hourly rate because he said there would be nothing but an overdraft and depreciating machinery once he was gone.
A couple of years later I bought the spreading business from them.
So over the last 20 years, all that we each have has been earned by us individually. No questions, no arguments. We all get on really well and we are all pleased to see each other and get together several times each year for a good old time. Not once have we ever fallen out about any family property or money, because there is none.
This idea of entitlement some people have is a bloody disgrace. If you want something in life, get off your arse and earn it and don’t whine when the parents will doesn’t go your way because you didn’t give much care about them when they were alive.
If I had wealth and property and children with their hands held out I would tell them all they are to expect absolutely nothing. I would soon find out which of them cares about me then.
Maybe I’m just lucky, in that I don’t have money grabbing, materialistic siblings. It must be hard going if you have, especially if they have a partner stoking the fire.
When my Dad passed away he left my sisters and I just about enough to buy a second hand runabout car. The business, quite rightly, went to my Mum and brother, who was Dads right hand man. Dad always paid my brother and I a good hourly rate because he said there would be nothing but an overdraft and depreciating machinery once he was gone.
A couple of years later I bought the spreading business from them.
So over the last 20 years, all that we each have has been earned by us individually. No questions, no arguments. We all get on really well and we are all pleased to see each other and get together several times each year for a good old time. Not once have we ever fallen out about any family property or money, because there is none.
This idea of entitlement some people have is a bloody disgrace. If you want something in life, get off your arse and earn it and don’t whine when the parents will doesn’t go your way because you didn’t give much care about them when they were alive.
If I had wealth and property and children with their hands held out I would tell them all they are to expect absolutely nothing. I would soon find out which of them cares about me then.
Maybe I’m just lucky, in that I don’t have money grabbing, materialistic siblings. It must be hard going if you have, especially if they have a partner stoking the fire.
- Location
- Devon
So it was your shed....
To be clear, I don't know who @Boomerang is, let alone his sister.
And I'm not trying to wind him up. The reverse.
I hope I can help him stop winding himself up based on what has been posted.
I think / hope, it is all a case of misunderstanding and a lack of communication.
- Location
- somerset
one of my money grabbing siblings, is trying to sell the farm, even makes it sound as if she had !
You'll have to explain that one
- Location
- South West
Out of interest, everyone saying about inheritance. If you’re one of three children all born equal why does one have more rights to more of the farm than any of the others?
One will generally make it their right “The squeaky wheel gets the most grease”
Rich_ard
Member
Give the all a equal amount of nothing, that's fair
- Location
- Aberdeenshire
Because there's a culture of farmers promising their children the farm as long as they work for nothing for the next 40 years.
If I could I would ban all such promises.
All born equal yes but that doesn't last long.
Rich_ard
Member
They still get the farm but need to buy out the siblings. Not a broken promise just no way of achieving it