I love the farm, but my wife wants to move.

Cowabunga

Cowabunga

Member
Location
Ceredigion,Wales
My first thought, probably well out of order but honest, is whether she is having an affair. Either that or possibly on the verge of a mental breakdown episode. There is zero advantage for being in town during this Covid lockdown, which again may be the issue. Is she just lonely due to the lockdown and isolation, combined with being cooped up with the children all day every day?

Moving to town is very unlikely to be the answer she is ultimately looking for. However, once this Covid thing is over, you should have someone look after the children for a weekend every couple of months and you could take short breaks in towns. I don't suppose it matters where you go as long as you chill out.
 
Whitewalker

Whitewalker

Member
shumungus said:
Find this hard to understand, Banbridge isn't exactly isolated. You won't be far from the A1 and you will be not far from the area's where most up and coming people living in Belfast would aspire to live. If you were living in the middle of the border or in the Sperrins or Fermanagh I could understand, but Banbridge? Does she not realise how in modern times with Covid and so forth how the city/town dwelling public have envied the people who live in the country? Not only do I find this a strange one but I also find it strange that you announce it on here. :unsure:
Click to expand...
Sounds like someone is sh1t stirring to me !
 
Treemover

Treemover

Member
Location
Offaly
Try couples counseling. They will help you both navigate topics that you both maybe avoiding.

This isn’t all on your shoulders, it takes two to make a marriage work.
 
Kildare

Kildare

Member
Location
Kildare, Ireland
Yea. Nobody is giving us their real name and approx address talking about their wife for all to see.
If you are for real talk to your wife and find out the problem then make your decision.
 
H

honeyend

Member
I can imagine being home all day with two small children is mind numbing, no matter how much you love them. Add a farm and distance to your next neighbour in the same boat as you, and it becomes a bit of a prison.
I grew up in the burbs on the edge of a town, my mum, a small mining community, we knew all our neighbours and could catch a bus anywhere. My dad died and she remarried and then went to live in a lovely house, the problem was the drive was a mile long, the nearest shop was five miles away, there was no bus, and she didn't drive. All her contacts were her husbands friends, and she had no status in her own right, she was just his wife. I can remember her crying because she had chosen this life, but really she was locked in, with no real part in it. Before she controlled the budget, paid the bills, and decisions were made jointly, plus previously she had a job and had her own money
.
Without outside help it's hard to know if you can find away to makes changes that help you both.
In 2019, I was seriously ill and couldn't walk far, couldn't drive, and I thought I may be stuck in my home permanently, and we outside the village. My plan long term is to buy a small house in a village nearby, so even if I was in a disabled scooter there would be footpaths, shops, library and a community to be a part of. I love my land and animals, but being tied to them with no way out, made it a prison.
 
P

Pennine Ploughing

Member
Mixed Farmer
Location
200 miles N,NW of New York
Sounds like you have to chose the biggest priority, the wife and kids or the farm,
It won't be easy for her with this covid19 and lockdown, very much isolated in fact,
Firstly, I don't know what you do with the wife and kids, question is do you care ?
Secondly, put yourself in her shoes for a day, and you do for a day what she normally does, if you cannot hack it for a day, think how she feels everyday doing it,,
Yes the farm is important, but time and time again I see farmers making work or making it last to keep them out of the house, they even admit it, and coming in at night after she has fed and put to bed the kids, and having to make your supper, is no big turn on for her, and is exhausted from the kids during the day,
Moving to the city or some sort of paradise may only be a stay of execution,
She needs to feel valued and wanted as part of a relationship, not cheap labour for the hum drum of day to day existence for you and the kids,
You need to change the boredom of the usual day, and if possible involve her and the kids in some of your work, and also be involved with her and the kids more, even simple things like discussing day to day problems by asking her for her advice, and sometimes have to act on her advice even if you think it wrong, a master of it will lead her into giving you the advice you wanted, and then she thinks she was right when it goes well, but don't knocked her when it goes wrong,
If she goes off to see family at any time, tell her you will be working late so don't come home till 7pm, yet your not working late, so finish early, hover round and make supper ready for when she is back, its things like this that she will enjoy more than the normal,
Remember its the little things that count, and make a big difference, and need not cost the earth,
Use you imagination
 
Guleesh

Guleesh

Member
Livestock Farmer
Location
Isle of Skye
Reminded me of this page from The book GOOD FARMING by V.C Fishwick written in 1944
DSC_0867.JPG
 
Renaultman

Renaultman

Member
Arable Farmer
Location
Darlington
Bones said:
Did you buy the farm or is it handed down to you, I married a woman from the town ,so far no problems but I make sure she goes into the town every other day to shop and see her family ,the town only 25 mins away so works ok, she has a part time job which keeps her busy, I never ask her to do a thing on the farm,
Click to expand...
Very similar here, it has worked for 33 years and she accepts the farm life as good as any country girl. Must say though, she has always loved our house and we are only minutes from her parents and siblings.
 
l'ordinary bonville

l'ordinary bonville

Member
Location
N Yorks
We moved off the farm about 18 months ago, partly to be away from the constant pressure and stress. Not in the city but a small village 12 miles away.

We are both reflecting now on that decision with mixed emotions, but at least we both can have a joint view on it all.

There are pros and cons to both. I wouldn't rule out us moving back to the farmhouse (currently rented out for good money). And more importantly we will make that decision together. Wife and kids miss aspects of life on the farm also.

My wife is from an urban background also and works away from the farm
 
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