I love the farm, but my wife wants to move.

[markmccormick]

Hello everyone, the truth is that I have been somewhat worried for a few months. All my life I have lived in the north of Ireland, on my amazing farm, I love this life and I thought my family did too. I live here with my wife and my two small children, but 4 months ago I noticed my wife different, she does not want to tell me what she is, but I know that she is ceasing to like this life and she wants to move to the city. I understand that it is not a lifestyle for everyone, but it is what has always made me happy, and I do not know if she could adapt to life in the city. In addition, I have always had the illusion that my children would follow my example and work on the farm when they were older, I even thought of buying them toy tractors. I don't know what to do or how to talk about this with my wife. Has anyone been through this already? any ideas? Thank you very much.

 

[teslacoils]

Do you like your wife more than the farm?

 

[markmccormick]

I love my wife very much, but I don't know if I would be willing to change my whole life for her, especially if she forces me to choose. But I also have to think about my children, for them I would do anything

 

[teslacoils]

Has it been a crappy winter in NI this year? I bloomin hate being on farm in winter. But it's different when it stops raining and it'd nice to be out. Do you have stock to look after? How would you like to live in a town? How far away is your nearest decent city, and are her friends nearby?

 

[James]

A difficult situation to be in for sure. I suspect the only way of getting an outcome is to both sit down and lay it all out. Bottling it up will do nobody any good. I do realise it's easy for me to say that.

 

[markmccormick]

Thank you very much to both of you, of course you have given me a lot to think about, I think that before talking to my wife I will make a list of pros and cons taking into account what you have told me. But without a doubt I will have to sit down with her to talk and see how we can solve it, I hope to reach a middle ground. Again, thank you very much! And yes, it has been a difficult winter, a complicated year in general...

 

[markmccormick]

I feel safer in the countryside, but here in the northern Ireland there are small towns where maybe I could feel comfortable, even if we found something near the farm I think I could combine the two lifestyles.

 

[James]

I feel safer in the countryside, but here in the northern Ireland there are small towns where maybe I could feel comfortable, even if we found something near the farm I think I could combine the two lifestyles.

When I got married we bought a house in nearby town. I do not like it for various reasons but at least it's a culdesac with a farm yard and fields behind it so it doesn't feel to claustrophobic.

 

[JP1]

Be aware anyone can Google this with your name and location. Maybe consider asking the Mods to mask some of this . I'd sooner your wife / family found out from you not the web

 

[Bones]

Did you buy the farm or is it handed down to you, I married a woman from the town ,so far no problems but I make sure she goes into the town every other day to shop and see her family ,the town only 25 mins away so works ok, she has a part time job which keeps her busy, I never ask her to do a thing on the farm,

 

[Boysground]

I married a Londoner, she always enjoyed the countryside but never expected to marry a farmer. It’s taken a lot of work from both of us, tbh mostly her putting up with me. 25th wedding anniversary on Wednesday so something worked February wedding as that fitted with work best

@markmccormick the most important thing is to talk about everything with your wife. Not just once all the time

Bg

 

[shumungus]

Find this hard to understand, Banbridge isn't exactly isolated. You won't be far from the A1 and you will be not far from the area's where most up and coming people living in Belfast would aspire to live. If you were living in the middle of the border or in the Sperrins or Fermanagh I could understand, but Banbridge? Does she not realise how in modern times with Covid and so forth how the city/town dwelling public have envied the people who live in the country? Not only do I find this a strange one but I also find it strange that you announce it on here.

 

[Bones]

Find this hard to understand, Banbridge isn't exactly isolated. You won't be far from the A1 and you will be not far from the area's where most up and coming people living in Belfast would aspire to live. If you were living in the middle of the border or in the Sperrins or Fermanagh I could understand, but Banbridge? Does she not realise how in modern times with Covid and so forth how the city/town dwelling public have envied the people who live in the country? Not only do I find this a strange one but I also find it strange that you announce it on here.

What's wrong with the sperrins

 

[Spud]

Do you not talk to your wife? About anything and everything, all of the time? It sounds like you lead almost separate lives.

Do you get away from the farm regularly, or are you tied to it 24/7? I work some big hours at times, but Sunday afternoons only when it really can't be avoided, and don't feel guilty about having half a day off randomly to spend with the mrs, if the mood takes.

Life is short, far too short to be miserable (either of you) Talk to your wife.

 

[shumungus]

What's wrong with the sperrins

Not a damn thing, but there are bits of it you wouldn't fall out with your neighbours and nobody would see you if you flopped it out for a pee.

 

[Bones]

Not a damn thing, but there are bits of it you wouldn't fall out with your neighbours and nobody would see you if you flopped it out for a pee.

Speak for your self, I'm well indoud

 

[shumungus]

Speak for your self, I'm well indoud

I don't care how well endowed you are, flop it out tonight in that wind and there will be more wrinkles than inches.

 

[Bones]

I don't care how well endowed you are, flop it out tonight in that wind and there will be more wrinkles than inches.

Look at you, know how to spell and everything

 

[shumungus]

Mi mammy taut me to reed an rite propir.

 

[Ffermer Bach]

I think you both need to good couple counselling, ideally a transactional analysis counsellor.