I had to read this twice. How amusing. Does he speak Chicken? How does he recognise a happy 1.5kg bird compared to an unhappy bird. Do the birds that are not selected have an opportunity to discuss matters with their representatives taken to see the man from God aka Rabbi.Send quite a few to kosher trade.
Rabbi travels to York, a sample of birds are taken to him, so he can decide if the shed full have had a happy life.
For passover birds whole wheat is omited from the diet, milled wheat is ok
Best wishes, sorry I could not resist. The lengths homo sapiens will go to sometimes