Dealing with depression - suicidal thoughts - Join the conversation (including helpline details)

[GrannyAching]

But doesn't the occasional dip into kindly dark humour precipitate a chuckle, sometimes?

Yes, I know and agree but so often little asides like this seems to slip into mysogeny on other parts of the forum. I don't think it would happen here but it's important to be aware, I think.

Obviously, Sam took it in the spirit it was meant.

 

[Digger73]

It is quite amazing how things change so quickly, how the things you never considered possible can happen in the blink of an eye and then everything you were certain of evaporates away and you don't know what is real or just a brilliant disguise on both sides

 

[Alwaysinit]

Just a general question mentioned around our table- Is mental illness as prevalent in hotter climates?
As in does it help waking up every morning and the sun is shining? Don't necessarily mean hot but just nice.
Here you look forward to summer, which is usually maybe a nice week then spend the next 350 odd days where the weather is dull or just pure sh!t.

 

[Chae1]

@Farmer Roy

In my opinion constant heat and sun can be as mentally wearing as rain and lack of sun.

Think I'm over the hill now but these past few weeks not been good with shortening days and colder temperatures.

I know a lot of you have been busy drilling, lifting tatties etc. But my mind and body misses the constant drive that's required from spring through till end of harvest.

Autumns kind of a comedown. Lack of adrenaline and living on the edge normally brings illness in my case.

 

[GrannyAching]

Just a general question mentioned around our table- Is mental illness as prevalent in hotter climates?
As in does it help waking up every morning and the sun is shining? Don't necessarily mean hot but just nice.
Here you look forward to summer, which is usually maybe a nice week then spend the next 350 odd days where the weather is dull or just pure sh!t.

Others may be able to point to some science but I would think that is an almost impossible question to answer simply because trying to equalise (statistically neutralise) all the other factors that contribute to mental illness to isolate the effect of weather would be next to impossible.

I do know some recent research has suggested that seasonally affected disorder does not really exist unless you are already likely to suffer depression! Which sounds like gobbledegook but I think means that it is actually part of a much wider condition than something that happens of it's own accord.

 

[Digger73]

Flask time. I don't quite know where to start

 

[GrannyAching]

It is quite amazing how things change so quickly, how the things you never considered possible can happen in the blink of an eye and then everything you were certain of evaporates away and you don't know what is real or just a brilliant disguise on both sides

I know you said your children are in the late teens and many people would think they would "understand" their parents' separating. However, it can be just a devastating for them as younger children. Like youngsters they can often feel guilty that it's their fault but in a more complicated way than younger children in that they can worry that their parents only stayed together until they were older thus contributing to their parents being unhappy. They can also suffer a massive shock because the two people they are closest two have been "living a lie" and this is true even if they have seen rows etc.

In all this pain and anxiety do try to keep talking to them in reasonable and rational terms and, I'm sure it does not really need saying without expecting them to take sides.

 

[GrannyAching]

Flask time. I don't quite know where to start

One thing at a time.

 

[Digger73]

Boys don't know yet one at Uni doesn't seem quite right speaking too him without being with him, can't really tell one without the other. Wife's family are aware there are problems but I haven't said a word to mine, I wanted them to not think badly of my wife if we worked things out.

 

[GrannyAching]

Boys don't know yet one at Uni doesn't seem quite right speaking too him without being with him, can't really tell one without the other. Wife's family are aware there are problems but I haven't said a word to mine, I wanted them to not think badly of my wife if we worked things out.

So have you had a conversation with anyone except each other?

 

[Digger73]

Yes I have unintentionally. Friday night was he'll everything seemed almost normal that I could almost have thought I 'd had nightmare and woken up. Didn't sleep at all and went to work Saturday and a friend who does know both of us called and just knew something was wrong

 

[Digger73]

We spent a couple of hours on the phone and it all came out. He was very good took no sides and didn't tell me what to do.

 

[Lili]

Boys don't know yet one at Uni doesn't seem quite right speaking too him without being with him, can't really tell one without the other. Wife's family are aware there are problems but I haven't said a word to mine, I wanted them to not think badly of my wife if we worked things out.

It's very important that if you have both come to some definite decision that you tell your boys first before they hear it from someone else. (Ideally from the both of you face to face but I'm guessing that's impossible inI the present situation)

 

[Digger73]

After 2 hours of talking the problem round and round and always ending back where I started I realised I was like the blue circle on computer screen locked and hanging and trapped in never-ending loop. I decided that I something had to happen either way because nothing would change until something changed

 

[GrannyAching]

After 2 hours of talking the problem round and round and always ending back where I started I realised I was like the blue circle on computer screen locked and hanging and trapped in never-ending loop. I decided that I something had to happen either way because nothing would change until something changed

What did you do?
Do you feel calmer now, even if it's not the outcome you were hoping for?

 

[Digger73]

I wasn't sure what to do people say you need to give each other space and time or tell her how you feel which is good advice but sometimes when you bare your soul to the one you love and nothing comes back other than looks of pity or silence, or imagine yourself as the dog waiting patiently for some fuss and attention while walking on eggshells. Wondering if you keep trying and waiting but not wanting to go home because of the fear of the note on the table 10 years down the line. You can't live a life in fear because that's no life at all

 

[GrannyAching]

I wasn't sure what to do people say you need to give each other space and time or tell her how you feel which is good advice but sometimes when you bare your soul to the one you love and nothing comes back other than looks of pity or silence, or imagine yourself as the dog waiting patiently for some fuss and attention while walking on eggshells. Wondering if you keep trying and waiting but not wanting to go home because of the fear of the note on the table 10 years down the line. You can't live a life in fear because that's no life at all

Do you feel calmer now?
Do you sort of see a way onward?

 

[Digger73]

I just needed to know if I had hope or not and if it was worth fighting for

 

[Digger73]

Went home Saturday afternoon asked her to go for a walk because i had questions that i needed to ask. We got booted up and off she set down the road when I asked her to get in the truck so we could go somewhere different anywhere really that wasn't part of us. I hoped by doing that we could talk as two people without influence from the surroundings and give me a chance to not breakdown

 

[GrannyAching]

Went home Saturday afternoon asked her to go for a walk because i had questions that i needed to ask. We got booted up and off she set down the road when I asked her to get in the truck so we could go somewhere different anywhere really that wasn't part of us. I hoped by doing that we could talk as two people without influence from the surroundings and give me a chance to not breakdown

Did that help?