Dealing with depression - suicidal thoughts - Join the conversation (including helpline details)

[Dangerous Dan]

To finish the ramble, i wish people would keep constant. Wishy washy words and ooohs and aahs might placate some people but they do sod all when the black dog is pounding your head. It's just like Christmas, everyone is too busy with their own lives to free up time for others, then one day a year it's "ooh look at me and what im doing for the unfortunate". One days grace does nothing to cover the other 364 days.

 

[Chopsy Varmint]

Many thanks for the reply lass. Lost a much loved brother in a similar fashion in the days before hard hats were compulsory on motorcycles but unfortunately we, due to a misunderstanding, had something of a falling out and hadn't had the opportunity to put things right before the accident.

My brother had accepted a lift home from work on the pillion of a work mates bike and I suspect that the guy gunned the bike, misjudged a bend, clipped the kerb and hit a lamp post. I never felt any animosity towards the driver but I don't think mother ever forgave him; she may well have done, had he told her how sorry he was.

That sort of loss at a fairly young age is a hard early lesson that once people are out of your sight you may never see them again and it's made me uneasy saying goodbye to friends and family ever since.

I expect you gave yourself extra grief because you weren't on good terms when your brother died but if it helps, I don't believe that matters in the long run. He certainly doesn't care and you can only find your own peace with it. If we're living life properly it's inevitable that we'll die at inconvenient times with unfinished business and it's easier to accept that than try to have every argument settled and every loose end tied up.

 

[Christoph1945]

To finish the ramble, i wish people would keep constant. Wishy washy words and ooohs and aahs might placate some people but they do sod all when the black dog is pounding your head. It's just like Christmas, everyone is too busy with their own lives to free up time for others, then one day a year it's "ooh look at me and what im doing for the unfortunate". One days grace does nothing to cover the other 364 days.

I have been thinking much on the same lines over Remembrance Sunday/Poppy Day!

 

[Christoph1945]

It still seems nearly crazy that many of our parents could never afford a car when they were in the position we are today.

True Ollie, so very true; we tend to lose sight of all the miracles that surround us every day. I wonder why gratitude is so often missing from our lives. Only last week I walked through our house and turned each room light on and off as I passed through them (no I hadn't lost the plot) I was just reminding my self of the miracle of electric lighting and how things were different as a child. In the late forties we lived in a rented, rat infested, terraced house that had no electric lighting, hot running water, indoor toilet, bathroom, or central heating and on occasions had trouble finding enough fuel for the open fire.

And now, not only do we have a new car; it doesn't need a winding handle and it came fitted with a magic radio that tunes in a multitude of channels at the tap on a screen. The car even tells me how much fuel it is using and reminds me to change gear some times. Only last year, whilst driving with the windows down, a disembodied voice spoke up and said close the windows you are spoiling the aerodynamics of the car and no I am not hearing voices in the psychological way!

Living in a three up three down terraced with hot and cold running water, central heating, indoor toilet, and small gardens front and back, what more could I ask for? What's missing? Perhaps that childhood contentment of 1949 and the wonderment of all the miracles that surround us every day is what has been missing for so many years?

Perhaps it's time to refocus; anyone fancy a real change?

 

[Clive65]

True Ollie, so very true; we tend to lose sight of all the miracles that surround us every day. I wonder why gratitude is so often missing from our lives. Only last week I walked through our house and turned each room light on and off as I passed through them (no I hadn't lost the plot) I was just reminding my self of the miracle of electric lighting and how things were different as a child. In the late forties we lived in a rented, rat infested, terraced house that had no electric lighting, hot running water, indoor toilet, bathroom, or central heating and on occasions had trouble finding enough fuel for the open fire.

And now, not only do we have a new car; it doesn't need a winding handle and it came fitted with a magic radio that tunes in a multitude of channels at the tap on a screen. The car even tells me how much fuel it is using and reminds me to change gear some times. Only last year, whilst driving with the windows down, a disembodied voice spoke up and said close the windows you are spoiling the aerodynamics of the car and no I am not hearing voices in the psychological way!

Living in a three up three down terraced with hot and cold running water, central heating, indoor toilet, and small gardens front and back, what more could I ask for? What's missing? Perhaps that childhood contentment of 1949 and the wonderment of all the miracles that surround us every day is what has been missing for so many years?

Perhaps it's time to refocus; anyone fancy a real change?

Well said Chris. I think this pandemic might have made a few of us change our minds about what’s really important in the world. We take too many things for granted, and have lost focus on what really matters.

 

[Clive65]

Hi all
I hope you all don’t think this is too corny lol. But I wrote a couple of poems a few years ago. First one is from my memoir I wrote “Little Boy Lost“
The Second is just a little light hearted bipolar poem. If these are not suitable for on here, then please tell me so I can delete? Here goes nothing

The little boy is crying!

he is lost and all alone.

The little boy is crying!

he saw his dad burn his home.

The little boy is crying!

he cried himself to sleep.

The little boy is crying!

as he lay on the wet sheet.

The little boy is crying!

he was dragged by his hand.

The little boy is crying!

crying inside the man.

The little boy is crying!

he is hurt & in pain.

The little boy is crying!

he rides white lightning, again & again.

The little boy is crying!

when he looks in the mirror to see.

The little boy is crying!

because that little boy is me!




Living with bipolar?

Take it from me,

It’s not all over!

If your feeling down,

put that mask on,

and become that clown!

There’s a flip side to this moon,

and on that side,

there’s no gloom!

On the flip side,

it’s full of cheer,

I’ll take you there,

one day my dear!

We will travel there first class,

because my dear,

I’m no tight arse!

We will soar across the sky,

it won’t take long,

just a blink of an eye!

So jump on board,

and hold on tight,

this ride might get bumpy,

and may give you a fright!

But rest assured,

this rocket is solid,

solid as a rock!

Because you see my dear,

I built it with bog rolls,

and a cheesy sock!

So please my dear,

when your feeling sad or down,

just think of my rocket,

and the pilot who’s a clown!

Then watch your frown,

turn upside down!

 

[Christoph1945]

I find dwelling in here often brings me much food for thought and it also brings echoes of my Judeo Christian education and reveals insights that I have never before considered. More and more I have been contemplating the biblical descriptions of the characteristics of 'Love', with a capital 'L'. Also, more recently, I have been studying the practice of human kindness and how it can become contagious, spreading out like the ripples on a pond and multiplying as it affects others way beyond the original recipient of the act. Perhaps I should have written spreading like a virus, infecting many beyond the original contact; rather like the butterfly effect that some speak of.

Unfortunately, the butterfly effect also works for unkind and wicked actions, not only spreading out but also passing down through generations; much as folks have described anxiety and depression in here.

Stay safe, stay well, and above all keep sharing and you will be amazed
by the inner revelations that will come to you.

Chris

 

[Dangerous Dan]

Also, more recently, I have been studying the practice of human kindness and how it can become contagious,

I'm intrigued. Care to expand a little further?

 

[Christoph1945]

They say confession is good for the soul; perhaps it is time for me to fess up.

In a public forum? Well, I suppose!

Despite my grand old age of 75 and with fifty years of marriage, I have allowed my self to be seduced and mislead by a much younger woman. Since lockdown began we have been having the bulk of our shopping delivered by Tesco, Iceland, or Morrisons but occasionally, just occasionally, I get to make a quick sortie to the shops for a few bits and pieces. A little jaunt to the shops helps to blow away the cobwebs of isolation and also give the wife a break from my company.

My downfall began with a car ride to morrisons and well protected from the possible onslaught of the viruses I entered the shop masked up and allowed entry by the security guy on the door.

Things were going swimmingly well when she suddenly caught my attention from the corner of my left eye. Her shoulder length blond tresses rested gently on her tangerine coloured jacket; the sparkle in her eyes, peachy complexion, lips and smile were sufficient to stir a young mans heart and I could certainly see why she had been chosen to adorn the cover of the magazine. Her head was crowned by the title PSYCHOLOGIES and she was surrounded by headings such as ....... Lost your sparkle? Discover your authentic self! ......Overcome bullying at work. ......LESSONS IN CALM, a year in a Buddhist monastery …….. Activate your full potential, with Iceman Wim Hof. ...... and so on.

In the past I had been seduced by such titles, only to discover the contents to be the shallow offerings of ego filled individuals seeking to make a buck but hopefully this time was going to be somewhat different; perhaps fate was answering some of my most recent thoughts and questions.

Initially unimpressed by the contents of the magazine I stumbled upon an advertisement on page 12 for a book by author Dr David Hamilton, titled 'More Kindness Less Judgment'. With the title of the book harmonising with my most recent thinking I decided to buy a copy but try as I might I just couldn't track the book down but finished up on David Hamilton's web site and no he isn't the same David Hamilton of ITV's Diddy David Hamilton fame.

From what I can see, and understand, of David's web site he appears to be quite a self help guru and has published a number of books and self help courses. One course 'The biology and Contagiousness of Kindness' runs for several weeks and is free to sign up for and use. With David echoing much of my own general thinking I decided to sign up and see just how valuable the course is to doing some self discovery.

You may like to drop by and take a peek at 'Dr David Hamilton on line courses' and see what you think.

Chris


There ya go Dan!
[/

 

[Christoph1945]

Dr David Hamilton's free course makes for interesting study and he explains things far better than I can.

 

[CornishRanger]

Bald Rick posted elsewhere but I thought I may fit here rather too well. How often dark humour covers dark thoughts

 

[holwellcourtfarm]

Bald Rick posted elsewhere but I thought I may fit here rather too well. How often dark humour covers dark thoughts

very true.

 

[Christoph1945]

Many comedians know the black dog only too well but their delivery would hardly be considered as dark but having said that, when I was committed to hospital many years ago you would perhaps be amazed at some of things that patience were amused by.

One of my older brothers was often offended by some of the humour in the TV series Halo Halo but I understand that members of the French Resistance will tell us that there were, at times, things and events that would make them laugh; perhaps theirs could be considered dark humour?

 

[JD-Kid]

Many comedians know the black dog only too well but their delivery would hardly be considered as dark but having said that, when I was committed to hospital many years ago you would perhaps be amazed at some of things that patience were amused by.

One of my older brothers was often offended by some of the humour in the TV series Halo Halo but I understand that members of the French Resistance will tell us that there were, at times, things and events that would make them laugh; perhaps theirs could be considered dark humour?

very true I learned along time ago laugh and the world laughs with you cry and you cry alone
I do have a very dark side to some jokes but then I have sat on a deck explaining to a mate how it feels to be so close to taking ones own life and why he has had over the years a few mates take there life but could not see why anyone would

 

[GrannyAching]

very true I learned along time ago laugh and the world laughs with you cry and you cry alone
I do have a very dark side to some jokes but then I have sat on a deck explaining to a mate how it feels to be so close to taking ones own life and why he has had over the years a few mates take there life but could not see why anyone would

Hi JD. I've been wondering how you were getting on. So now you're "here" how are things?

 

[JD-Kid]

Hi JD. I've been wondering how you were getting on. So now you're "here" how are things?

bit rough at times
very dry here had to send stock away on grazing and flat out drenching lambs at the moment for works had last god rain 35 mm over 6 weeks ago and now seeing worm levels over 1300 eggs per gram in a FEC
xmas coming so even more stressed out
the 23rd of dec a bad day for me as I was going to take my life back in 1990 when worked in Aussie. alone nothing happening on xmas day no way of getting off place I worked etc etc just got to me too much
so all in all a rough time of year

the blankets I was looking at doing put on back burner as did not need another level of stress and some factors like the wool was not as good as I would of likes so end product would of not been as good as it should be along with designs I needed to do more on them etc learned alot and know it can work tho

all in all coping but fighting very hard and pulling on all the reasons to live to be fair some of them just cos close friends have had a bad year and I can't make it worse for them kinda says something about myself sooner live in hell than to make others suffer

yea a bit screwed up to be fair but least my diabetes dropped back down along with blood pressure so health going ok just the top 10 inch. a tad rough

 

[Christoph1945]

Good to hear from you JD but sorry to read that you had to put the blankets on the backburner but at least you haven't abandoned the idea altogether.

Looking at your profile, what may I ask, is a CAS shooter?

Chris

 

[GrannyAching]

bit rough at times
very dry here had to send stock away on grazing and flat out drenching lambs at the moment for works had last god rain 35 mm over 6 weeks ago and now seeing worm levels over 1300 eggs per gram in a FEC
xmas coming so even more stressed out
the 23rd of dec a bad day for me as I was going to take my life back in 1990 when worked in Aussie. alone nothing happening on xmas day no way of getting off place I worked etc etc just got to me too much
so all in all a rough time of year

the blankets I was looking at doing put on back burner as did not need another level of stress and some factors like the wool was not as good as I would of likes so end product would of not been as good as it should be along with designs I needed to do more on them etc learned alot and know it can work tho

all in all coping but fighting very hard and pulling on all the reasons to live to be fair some of them just cos close friends have had a bad year and I can't make it worse for them kinda says something about myself sooner live in hell than to make others suffer

yea a bit screwed up to be fair but least my diabetes dropped back down along with blood pressure so health going ok just the top 10 inch. a tad rough

I feel the pain if those egg counts never mind the mindless slog of dosing animals that really don't want doing.

I would say that using your due diligence to decide against pursuing a business idea is a really positive thing. To me it shows you are strong enough to walk away rather than cling to it as a life raft.

I'm truly sorry if you are feeling suicidal. Using your friends as a means of keeping you from taking that step is good and if it's enough then even better for now but you don't need me to tell you that getting some help and support for yourself is really important.

I'm sure lots of us on here are going to say we're here to talk to if you need it. I'm saying it, too but, as my app alert seems very hit and miss, please do pm me as I'll definitely get an email alert.

(Hugs apparently but not very farmer orientated).

 

[JD-Kid]

CAS is cowboy action shooting with old guns dressed up like cowboys shoot stages under a timer. winners fastest time a miss is 5 sec attend to time
done it for many years loved it good people but I gave it up a few years ago could not handle the noise set me off with my PTSD and felt ashamed of what/who I become still talk to a few of the guys I used to shoot with tho
best mate rings me every night for a catch up he's one of my reasons to live

 

[GrannyAching]

CAS is cowboy action shooting with old guns dressed up like cowboys shoot stages under a timer. winners fastest time a miss is 5 sec attend to time
done it for many years loved it good people but I gave it up a few years ago could not handle the noise set me off with my PTSD and felt ashamed of what/who I become still talk to a few of the guys I used to shoot with tho
best mate rings me every night for a catch up he's one of my reasons to live

What about the furry friend in your picture, is he still around for you? I really hope so.