diary of a comedy sheep farm

[Cab-over Pete]

Well, at least you came 2nd

 

[RushesToo]

so this afternoons spraying is now rainfast....TBH it became a bit of an effort to get it done

first thing i took a couple of culls into a local butcher....then while the trailer was on we retrieved the few ewes+lambs from the next village...i'm having a bit of change of grazing plan + while they're in i can treat any orf + worm.....having been orf free for a year we're having a terrible time with it really....spray.. jab...tubbys and just work thru it

the new bit of grass is to long really and shorting the fence...we've had a couple get out..then get back in again...anyhow i cut a bit of stock fence between it and our adjacent meadow to make access easier...unfortunately i didn't shut the meadows hurdle....the feckers poured thru the gap..across the meadow and back to the yard....i shut them up...gonna rain tommoz...plus i can check the over

bit frazzed i turn my thoughts to spraying....only a couple of ha but two different chemicals on two different plots so it's gonna be fiddly...sprayer is ready.....i use an ibc with a lockable tank as a bowser....forklift it to the field...do all filling there....go to get chemical....keys not in it's home...i had it sunday...i do have a spare but i don't know where it is....just then mum comes out...heating oil has run out and she's grumpy cos her shingles painfull.....THATS IT....give up...lunch...order oil

sit down have lunch..look at forecast...bit dodgy for afternoon perhaps i'll not spray...half hour later bag o feed turns up..thats the end of my lunch break...feck it i'll go spraying.....angle grinder opens the padlock on store...did i say the sprayer was ready....turns out i've not replaced the bungs on the booms that i took out t drain last winter..simply little things but feck they give me grief....then 'pigeon fancier j' (pfj) turns up ....quick rollie plus chat....then agronomist....feck sake i just wanna get on...finally get going...job goes ok.....black clouds in the distance....but it holds off and thats where we started

@spin cycle I'm missing the SNOT daily summary reports, they brought a smile to my face :-(

 

[Limousinfarmer]

what on earth were you thinking ?

blue is for twins, it's red you wanted, or maybe you're a twin ?

Not a twin - as far as I know - unless I grew round him in the womb.

 

[yellowbelly]

@spin cycle I'm missing the SNOT daily summary reports, they brought a smile to my face :-(

I expect today's SNOT calculations were a tad more complicated than normal - as far as I understood it, today sheep escaped from an outlying field and returned to the farm. I guess that would throw up a minus figure

I guess @spin cycle is still looking for his log tables so he can work it out

 

[spin cycle]

today was the wettest day we've had here in over a year....welcome ...but some drains are running so it's like it's being wasted

OK...regarding SNOT....calculations have been a little complicated due to odd sheep wandering the yard at times...these 'Bloomin Out Going Everywhere Yoewes' or 'bogeys' for short are playing havoc with my SNOT...i mean ,at the mo, i've a couple of 'bogeys' but that hardly adds up to much SNOT...actually today i've but one 'bogey'...i think the other got in with yesterdays 'snottage' and is contained
.....anyway yesterdays SNOT ,after a quick count today, was minus 70...though not much trouble in truth

first up this morning 'K' and i go thru the aforementioned sheep checking/treating for orf ....we're interrupted by 'PJ' after some pigeon clocks..and my rollies...'can't stop' i say...he wants a chat but we've 'BB' from westpoint vets coming to scan our 'remainers' and i want to get finished 'orfing' before she arrives...he departs...we finish...'BB' arrives

'BB' has been at norfolk farm vets (now part westpoint) since i've been using the practice...she's been to harper and back in the meantime....she is a real 'rock' of the practice....so much so that last christmas quiz we were all so pleased to see her back (after a brief dalliance with AHDB) that the room broke into spotaneous applause

'when did you find the ram lamb?' BB starts....'if i knew that i wouldn't need you' i tease....we start to scan...by chance i have a scanning crate...i bought it thinking it was a dagging crate....but it comes in handy....the first set of lambs all trot in quite happily ...'BB' can't believe it...none of them in are in lamb and just a few splitters (i teeth them whilst scanning).....second lot ...few lambs + remaining ewes

NOW..we have a new 'character'....last few mornings a suffolk x teg has been jumping out at the sight of the 'feed wagon' then jumping back in as feed is dispensed.....we shall call her 'mcenroe' cos she doesn't know whether its 'out' or 'in'.....during the second scanning bunch 'mcenroe' practices her art...clearing various hurdles at will.....'now do you see why i have trouble with unwanted tuppings' i say to 'BB' who laughs....'this one is in lamb' says BB excitedly she's somewhat relieved as i'd been questioning her machine/skill set....'you don't say' i reply rolling my eyes and pointing at her udder (the sheep's that is) ..we finish up....only a few in lamb....half a dozen empty ewes that can go and not to many splitters....scale out tommoz

 

[primmiemoo]

Bo(o)g(e)y on there, spin cycle

Glad about the 0% scanning!

 

[Baker9]

Snot and bogeys = brilliant

 

[yellowbelly]

we shall call her 'mcenroe'

 

[spin cycle]

fed up and down today...wasn't going to post...but then i remember someone thanking me for telling it 'as it is'......so if you don't want to be depressed don't read on

first thing picked up a dead 3 week old lamb in the shed...plus ewe lamb has had a barely viable single and another ewe lamb was in discomfort....i've looked at the latter a couple of times today....gently opened her but can't make much sense.....not in pain just miserable ...dead lambs?....think i'll shoot her in morning....something to look foward to

i let the ewes + lambs i treated yesterday out of shed...across the drive....back to pasture.....now you'd think they'd be delighted and romp away to grass...and so it was....just a couple of lambs went behind a hurdle so i open them up...feck me the 'main body' having got past the pond turn round and charge back again....cue benny hill music...concs...eventually order is restored

'K' and i separate the ewe lambs to be retained and weigh up those that can go...they're ideal wt....booked in for next week...the retained ewe lambs and empty ewes are taken to my securest field in next village....they'll be joined by cagny.lacey and soay with their lambs ...anywhere else they'll get out

a small lot of ewes lambs 10-14 days old...gone thru for orf...'K' departs....i consider early lunch before taking last of ram lambs to abbatoir.....however my last old ewe starts to lamb...a water bag appears then goes back in....shall i have a look or leave it til i get back....i opt to look..good job i did....full breach...out ok...then another head turned legs underneath....out ok..

quick lunch.....overdraft isn't quite as bad as i thought...exactly what stewardship owes us

back to load ram lambs and ewe's had a third....she was a size in truth....iodine navels...load up and go...'into the groove 1985' on radio norfolk

arrive at abbatoir and have a wait which is unusual....'mark' is busy but calm...we get there in the end

back home and check the ewes milk....nothing...they coulda had it.....out of artificial...off to fakenham.....they're good sized trips and good eaters...bit of spectam ...should be ok

really fed up with dead sheep and orf....last year i had a run of 6 months when i didn't loose anything and no orf at all....the only thing thats changed is the arrival of a beltex/texel and beltex rams

big birthday in 3 months time...end of stewardship agreement......time for change

 

[Cab-over Pete]

Which big birthday?

 

[spin cycle]

Which big birthday?

well not big in numbers....55......but 20 years ago i promised myself i'd quit farming at 55....now that day is looming

 

[Cab-over Pete]

Oh I see.

Big decisions then

 

[spin cycle]

Oh I see.

Big decisions then

probably not

onto today....home early as did school run so mrs spin could nip to UEA and check in on 'boy'.....'cinders' is in good mood...parents evening last night went well....so i'm told anyway as i wasn't allowed to go....words like 'loose cannon'...'embarrassing' ...doesn't sound like me....'boy' is in good nick..work going well and two girls on the go.....thats my boy /i'm so proud...thing is they both know about the other.....how very modern....it's a better end to the day than the start

7:30 phone rings while mrs spin and i are discussing parents evening out of 'cinders' earshot....it's mum....the pony is out and has kicked a livery pony in the face....i go up and we recapture pony...other pony is ok...bitta drama i suspect

sheep wise we start feeding/checking...we lost the tiny lamb born yesterday and that teg is unchanged....just before heading to fields one of 'K's shearlings makes a start.....on the way back mum drops me off and i check a bit of fence line....as i suspected some is down.....back at the yard the voss is happy again ....but 'K's shearling is not...a dead lamb halfway out....i'b been gone 45 mins ... i get lamb out grab a triplet....but the bitch isn't interested.....i'll discuss options with 'K' tommoz

now...a new character...'mr sanctimonious' (MR S)....he's not a real person but you'll find him everywhere...in the media though mainly.....the sort that comes in 'why didn't you do this/that' or 'you should've done this/that'....i'm sure you know what i mean....the type that never does/produces anything...just preachs/critiscises those that try

OK....whilst spraying the other day i had some pressure fluctuations...so after finishing i check the pressure diaphragm....there's a split.....LOOK OUT....here's 'MR S' ..' of course if you had an annual sprayer MOT you'dve picked that up'.....well actually 'MR S' the reason i knew what the problem was that it'd happened before...years ago when i had annual sprayer MOTs and it actually happened the day after one of them'.....chalk one to the spin....anyhoo off to 'acare' our local sprayer store....the owner serves me...he recognises me from noroso days but can't place the name...thats ok though...'i havn't got one' he says....'oh feck' i think...'i've got five' he chuckles....he likes his humour and i'm transported back to those noroso meetings which he took....the meetings couldn't be described as diverse... white middle aged men mainly so he used to have a little 'risque' joke at the end...until one day......the screen was filled with an amateur porn scene from xhamster...the room was dumbstruck...even me and thats saying something....'i think i know her' our host tries....but the silence was deafening.....that was the end of the risque jokes though....mind you there was some useful stuff to be learned at these meetings

back home it's noon...i decide to do the deed on the poor ewe lamb and tidy my 'deadies into a big bag.....here's 'MR S' again...'why didn't you get the vet out?'....'well MR S even if there was the financial worth i doubt they could've done very much....she'dve been mauled about and best case lived only to be culled...better she dies quickly ,unstressed in the barn'....IMO anyway...it does seem unfair that she dies but that bitch from this morning is munching hay 15ft away

it's an odd relationship we have with our stock isn't it?....illogical to the rest of society....even we struggle to explain it......here we are doing our best for our stock...even moved to tears sometimes....yet we raise them for meat....my little teg had a good life until today..just cut short

right time to go feed those triplets ... pigeon club....kebab

 

[primmiemoo]

probably not

onto today....home early as did school run so mrs spin could nip to UEA and check in on 'boy'.....'cinders' is in good mood...parents evening last night went well....so i'm told anyway as i wasn't allowed to go....words like 'loose cannon'...'embarrassing' ...doesn't sound like me....'boy' is in good nick..work going well and two girls on the go.....thats my boy /i'm so proud...thing is they both know about the other.....how very modern....it's a better end to the day than the start

7:30 phone rings while mrs spin and i are discussing parents evening out of 'cinders' earshot....it's mum....the pony is out and has kicked a livery pony in the face....i go up and we recapture pony...other pony is ok...bitta drama i suspect

sheep wise we start feeding/checking...we lost the tiny lamb born yesterday and that teg is unchanged....just before heading to fields one of 'K's shearlings makes a start.....on the way back mum drops me off and i check a bit of fence line....as i suspected some is down.....back at the yard the voss is happy again ....but 'K's shearling is not...a dead lamb halfway out....i'b been gone 45 mins ... i get lamb out grab a triplet....but the bitch isn't interested.....i'll discuss options with 'K' tommoz

now...a new character...'mr sanctimonious' (MR S)....he's not a real person but you'll find him everywhere...in the media though mainly.....the sort that comes in 'why didn't you do this/that' or 'you should've done this/that'....i'm sure you know what i mean....the type that never does/produces anything...just preachs/critiscises those that try

OK....whilst spraying the other day i had some pressure fluctuations...so after finishing i check the pressure diaphragm....there's a split.....LOOK OUT....here's 'MR S' ..' of course if you had an annual sprayer MOT you'dve picked that up'.....well actually 'MR S' the reason i knew what the problem was that it'd happened before...years ago when i had annual sprayer MOTs and it actually happened the day after one of them'.....chalk one to the spin....anyhoo off to 'acare' our local sprayer store....the owner serves me...he recognises me from noroso days but can't place the name...thats ok though...'i havn't got one' he says....'oh feck' i think...'i've got five' he chuckles....he likes his humour and i'm transported back to those noroso meetings which he took....the meetings couldn't be described as diverse... white middle aged men mainly so he used to have a little 'risque' joke at the end...until one day......the screen was filled with an amateur porn scene from xhamster...the room was dumbstruck...even me and thats saying something....'i think i know her' our host tries....but the silence was deafening.....that was the end of the risque jokes though....mind you there was some useful stuff to be learned at these meetings

back home it's noon...i decide to do the deed on the poor ewe lamb and tidy my 'deadies into a big bag.....here's 'MR S' again...'why didn't you get the vet out?'....'well MR S even if there was the financial worth i doubt they could've done very much....she'dve been mauled about and best case lived only to be culled...better she dies quickly ,unstressed in the barn'....IMO anyway...it does seem unfair that she dies but that bitch from this morning is munching hay 15ft away

it's an odd relationship we have with our stock isn't it?....illogical to the rest of society....even we struggle to explain it......here we are doing our best for our stock...even moved to tears sometimes....yet we raise them for meat....my little teg had a good life until today..just cut short

right time to go feed those triplets ... pigeon club....kebab

To everything there is a season, spin.

 

[Cab-over Pete]

I get your thinking there spin.

The night before any lambs have to go I can’t sleep. I have a heavy heart all that day, really feel low.

And then when the piggles went two weeks ago...... I got to the little local abattoir and the chap was brilliant with them, chatting away and handling them gently.

The look on their little faces as I turned to leave. I had a lump in my throat as I drove off!!!!

 

[spin cycle]

To everything there is a season, spin.

not with you.....i'm a bit thick though

 

[primmiemoo]

not with you.....i'm a bit thick though

Ah, sorry to be cryptic .
What I meant is just as there's a right time for a crop to be sown, and for it to be harvested, it's the same for the livestock.
It's for us to do as good a job by them as possible, and it wouldn't be right not to feel sympathy or not to do the right thing.

Sorry about your teg.

 

[spin cycle]

bit behind.....saturday

felt like sh it first thing.....didn't help when i saw the ewe with triplets get up and reveal one of her lambs underneath

on we go....weaned some more orphans and last three 'hospital' lambs went to farm...'K' and i had a couple of ewes+ lambs to move....she took the old wilt...but she doesn't like carrying the lambs by the legs....so ewe couldn't see lamb.....as she got it in the pen another ewe escaped....she goes after it...i get my teg moved ok and leave her to her 'bogey'....part of the deal is she's learning the ropes.....i'm tidying hurdles when she lets another ewe out....then another....three 'bogeys'....'snot' looms....i intervene suggesting some conc and we get them back in

now 'K's empty ewe.....i suggest 4 options...1/just run her on 2/ try her in the stocks..'cept we've no suitable orphan really 3/ cash her in cull...or....4/have a go at milking her as an experiment....'K' hadn't thought of 4....she's giving it a go

took rest of day off....paracetemol...bed.....patched myself up for pigeon club....the over to 'cakes' for a drink to celebrate 'weeta's birthday......he's reading this now and chastises me on mi spelin....'nev' is also there...i havn't seen him in ages....he used to work with pigs but now works at weston longville's dinosaur park which i think he enjoys a lot more TBH...'weeta' and 'nev' are the hardest working ppl i know....put me to shame....i'm simply not constitute enough to match them....mind you there are quite a lot behind me.....have a nice time but home to bed for 10:30

sunday....lie in til 8am....farm 30 mins later....teg struggling....barely open...fecking great back legs tucked underneath...full breach....can i move it ...i start dreading reporting another disaster....she poops....the lamb comes...she's ok

having sheep inside...jostling each other must lead to these malpresentations.....outside you couldn't live with lots like that

'K' arrives to milk...lends a hand....i'm off to rinse/clean the sprayer prior to spraying FB.....in the field i'm cleaning filters on nozzles...skylarks singing....church bells ringing....lovely....i have let 'gerry' down a bit though...i was supposed to do sprayer sat but just felt to rough....so didn't get to church

home and straight over to in laws for lunch.....mrs spin off ice creaming 2:30pm..i pick up 'cinders' from sleepover....sit down...check sheep in next village...couple bit lame...check farm/mum

finish

 

[spin cycle]

the tractor pretty much filled the gateway but that didn't deter the ewe...she dances like shes just got the ball from a rugby scrum...looking for the smallest gap....back on the tractor she skips past...i drive in....the other 70 ewes+lambs follow her....i do....nothing....i drive on with my hurdles....set up the catching pen around the old pole barn....15 mins later mum and K hove into view with concs and the 'snottage' in tow....having decided breakfast is the better option the all trot into the barn....we hep,fly and worm (sounds like an ancient solicitors practice)....thats the feb lambers done....tommoz is the first march group

hurdles reloaded and relocated to next catching pen...few odd jobs....beet spray arrives....lunch

few odd jobs ...bitta fencing....'kirk' arrives to borrow lump hammer....i'll get it back sat at a lads poker night ....it'll be nice but i'm not fond of poker....to much machismo testosterone bull poo for my liking

home and big news..'cinders' topped her year in a geography test...she previously stated she wasn't as academic as boy and her highness....that might be changing

ok tea and i'm off to spray fb

 

[spin cycle]

we've two persistent 'bogeys'....the type you just can't shake...in truth one of them isn't much trouble...she paddles round the yard...nibbles the horse paddocks ect.....the other is a b'stard..we'll call her 'donna'..we find her in the lane...tempt her back to the field....an hour later she's back in the yard and she's brought a friend....i shut donna up...donna jumps out...K takes them both back....donna jumps the fence back into the field

'dude' is late but finds us setting up the catching pen for the first march born group of ewes/lambs....they catch up quite well....but 'dude', in trapping an errant lamb where stock fence meets electric, feels the full force of the voss...sod it.....they're then hep/fly/worm...leftover hep finishes the orphans....tidy up....lunch....'dude' departs to home for garden duties

NOW the afternoon...i'm a bit fecked....i could take the afternoon off...i'm self employed...lifestyle ect...but if i go home mrs spin will have me 'gardening' with 'dude'....what i need is a little job to tick off the list and take up the afternoon....fortunately years of cropping has equipped me with the old 'arable farmer trick' ....i'm gonna get thrown outta the union for this but what the hell.....SO what the arable farmer does in situations like this is put an implement on the back of a tractor..drive round the farm until 3:30pm....then change into first gear and drive back to the yard....arriving on the stroke of 4pm

i've the fert spinner on...the fb need top dressing....perfick....thats what i do....the little remaining goes onto some horse paddocks.....back in the yard i check time in van....3:59pm...timed to perfection