Ploughing Banter - aka did the earth move for you ;)

Discussion in 'Competition Ploughing' started by Dealer, Mar 30, 2017.

  1. Mydexta

    Mydexta Member

    Yeah, but he looks a poor poor soul
    spindle and Howard150 like this.
  2. Howard150

    Howard150 Member

    Ought to have another button that says AGREE rather than like for replying to things like this.
    Always sad to see guys who once seemed invincible end up like this.
    Last edited: Apr 20, 2017
    spindle likes this.
  3. Roy Stokes

    Roy Stokes Member

    East Shropshire
  4. Howard150

    Howard150 Member

    massey765 likes this.
  5. Dealer

    Dealer Member

    He's on them blue pills again. :)
    Roy Stokes, massey765 and Howard150 like this.
  6. Howard150

    Howard150 Member

    Legal high or illegal length? :D:D:D
    Roy Stokes likes this.
  7. Dealer

    Dealer Member

    Both if he's needing stirrups.
    Roy Stokes and Howard150 like this.
  8. massey765

    massey765 Member

    nr clitheroe lancs
  9. Howard150

    Howard150 Member

    Oft heard it said afoor what some o' yon toffs gerrup ter! :D:D:D
    massey765, Roy Stokes and Dealer like this.
  10. Howard150

    Howard150 Member

    Eyup Benge
    Befoor tha gits carried away wi Chubby Brown...

    Think on

    Theres a little orange book
    And't advice contained therin it is
    Advice that is best took
    If tha's tonnin owert' sod
    Fer allon' us as ploughin' still
    Then its the word o'God
    Its called The Rules ter plough by
    An its allus best be known
    Then tha nivver needs to ask
    What t' score sheet should ave shown
    If tha's apt fer kickin' off
    At Judges an' thi mates
    It tells thee what tha'll endup owin'
    Ee'n gies thi allot rates!
    It's a matter of opinion
    But when all's said and dun
    Its t' Judge as odds the pencil
    An its im as ses oos wun.
    It tells thi abaht straightness,
    seedbed, depth an bein firm
    But nivver gies a mention
    t't poor owd little worm
    It gies thi' t'road ter finish,
    ow straight tha needs ter be
    It can be quite confusing
    Ceptin fert't likes o' me
    Cos I av odd o't pencil
    An its up ter me ter see
    Which yan o' thee ist' winner,
    Number two and three!
    It must a' bin a proper card
    as med up theese ere rules
    Forgive me now fer sayin
    But none on us is fools
    Ther nivver ivver needs ter be
    If't judgin as bin fair
    A dubious certain aspect
    Fer pickin one two three
    Ow straight is straight
    Thy asks me
    But I can only see
    Its a personal perception
    That pokes thee in thi eey
    It ough ter be checked fowwer times
    But ony' gits checked wunce
    Card who med up this bit
    Is seemingly a dunce!
    Tha nivver should forget though
    Afore thinkin of abuse
    Theres 20 points there waitin
    Just for't specifc use
    O't judge that tha's bin slatin.
    Nivver thee forgit though
    When all is said an dun
    Its im as odds yon pencil
    An its im as ses whos wun! :D

    Edit fer Tong
    An if ther nearly gits ter ave
    A finsh thats wrong way
    Then ton around reet sharp our Roy
    Ahm sure that tha's nut gay! :D:D:D
    Last edited: Apr 23, 2017
  11. massey765

    massey765 Member

    nr clitheroe lancs
    Fekin poet
    And didn't note:whistle:

    Bleddy good wot thas sayin is I ave now burnt me bridges and I will ave ta up me game ta stand still:facepalm::poop::D:D
  12. Howard150

    Howard150 Member

    Nahh - Thas nowt ter fear frev me owd lad - allo't points is theer in that pecil o mine - its just up to me ter gie em ter't most deservin cases or in other words - ter git em int right order!

    And just in passing - the most cutting thing about "you fat barsteward" is that its probably just about right:p:p:p an' thats t'ony reason a penned this ere poem cos a c'unt let thee off scott free :D

    ......bebuggered if ahm lettin thee
    Ter carry on let off scot free :D:D:D
    Last edited: Apr 21, 2017
    massey765 likes this.
  13. Howard150

    Howard150 Member

    Forgive me just fer thinkin
    Theres summat ere not right
    Its appened in'ter British Isles
    Right theer on't Isle of Wight
    Bloomin ummer, flippin eck
    Pencil used today
    Whacked im 20 points off -
    Finishing t'wrong way!
    Just disliksek, summat else?
    Who am I ter say?
    Whacked im points off still regardless
    Finishing t'wrong way
    If tha's ivver settin on
    A worker new ter thee
    Just mek sure ee's reet
    Ev a quick glance earthward ter'see
    Is booits is on't reet feet
    Allus mek sure tonnin corners
    If tha's not reet sure
    Which direction am I headin?
    Should ah be tonnin reet?
    Last edited: Apr 22, 2017
    arcobob and massey765 like this.
  14. arcobob

    arcobob Member

    Sorry, I hent bin away, just tryun to cure a skulleck caused by readun all this ole squit yer keep a roiten.
    massey765 and Howard150 like this.
  15. Howard150

    Howard150 Member

    Oh ter be in England
    After what ah's sin n' eard
    One time such a notion
    It would av bin absurd

    We's ony gone n' won't world cup
    N' beaten allot greats
    Wiz left em all just stannin theer
    Wi eeyes like dinner plates.

    Traffic leets were flashin
    Then it were green ter go
    N' suddenly them Nations
    Wuz alloff innaro.

    Judges runnin ere n' theer
    Wi stewards in theer air
    Were sharpening theer pencils
    Mekkin sure t' proceedings fair

    We just ad the best o' splits
    Sum it wern't theer day
    Sum ad shockin oppenings
    In a roundabout sort o' way.

    Yan or two ran short on time
    But t'stewards were ont case
    The penalties that yon imposed
    A would av said were base

    Now twer't ton o't judges
    English men nut sin afoor
    After all there needs a way
    O' bumpin up yon scoore

    All fresh n' newly picked
    Cum ere from't seminars
    Allot on em wiyout a clue
    Mays well o' cum from Mars

    Them lights is started flashin now
    Weer off agin wit starts
    Am positiv theers sum out theer
    Wi sharper wearin parts.

    Ony't first used aspect
    Scoresheet theer ter see
    Wi England 76 in front
    By eck some history

    Theer ony is yan class
    Conventional an't tunnower mixed
    Ter mek it eesier judgin
    Some reckons theer its fixed

    Tommy Chocrane points off
    Fer ploughin outer square
    Wellbugger me ee ses out loud
    Ahm ony ploughin't gair

    Same fate for't elder Mitchell
    By ee were in a state
    It int that oft tha sees that man
    When ee is that irate

    Poor owd Aemon Treacy
    It were ardly fair
    Points that this lot gied him
    Left things reet up in't air

    Rhodri Geoge n' Evan Watkin
    Theer ploughin stands the test
    Dunnut matter ow thas goin
    When't judge is 'choosin' t' best

    Ronnie Coulter ee complained
    Accomp'nied by them Gills
    No ammount o' shoutin
    Could solve that many ills

    Then theres t' younger Mitchell
    I eard a judge ter say
    Dunt matter ow ee finishes ere this afternooin
    On my sheet it's t' wrong way

    When allot scores is totted up if sum'ones ower close
    Wi't leeast on interference
    We'll put it all ter rights
    Our sneaky blow unnerneath o't belt wi' general appearance

    All ower bar for't shoutin
    Lets see owt points accrue
    Amazin t' total tha can git
    When't judge is picked by you!

    OWW - KINNEL - BY ECK that urt
    Theers ringin in mi eer
    Av ad a dig int ribs, am pained
    Av bin attacked a fear
    Wek up come on tha soft owd lad
    Tha's late fer work agin
    More likely England winnit world
    Ner thee nut lyin in! :D
    Last edited: Apr 23, 2017
    Carrot cruncher likes this.
  16. massey765

    massey765 Member

    nr clitheroe lancs
    Bleddy hell ...don't know wether ta call ya judge. .. poet lauriet. ..bard ......or word...but it meks fer amusin readin (no "g" on some of that).Radio 2 speak
    Howard150 likes this.
  17. Howard150

    Howard150 Member

    The Battle of Hastings
    A Poem By Marriot Edgar

    I'll tell of the Battle of Hastings,
    As happened in days long gone by,
    When Duke William became King of England,
    And 'Arold got shot in the eye.

    It were this way - one day in October
    The Duke, who were always a toff
    Having no battles on at the moment,
    Had given his lads a day off.

    They'd all taken boats to go fishing,
    When some chap in t' Conqueror's ear
    Said 'Let's go and put breeze up the Saxons;'
    Said Bill - 'By gum, that's an idea.'

    Then turning around to his soldiers,
    He lifted his big Nonnan voice,
    Shouting - 'Hands up who's coming to England.'
    That was swank 'cos they hadn't no choice.

    They started away about tea-time -
    The sea was so calm and so still,
    And at quarter to ten the next morning
    They arrived at a place called Bexhill.

    King 'Arold came up as they landed -
    His face full of venom and 'ate -
    He said 'lf you've come for Regatta
    You've got here just six weeks too late.'

    At this William rose, cool but 'aughty,
    And said 'Give us none of your cheek;
    You'd best have your throne re-upholstered,
    I'll be wanting to use it next week.'

    When 'Arold heard this 'ere defiance,
    With rage he turned purple and blue,
    And shouted some rude words in Saxon,
    To which William answered - 'And you.'

    'Twere a beautiful day for a battle;
    The Normans set off with a will,
    And when both sides was duly assembled,
    They tossed for the top of the hill.

    King 'Arold he won the advantage,
    On the hill-top he took up his stand,
    With his knaves and his cads all around him,
    On his 'orse with his 'awk in his 'and.

    The Normans had nowt in their favour,
    Their chance of a victory seemed small,
    For the slope of the field were against them,
    And the wind in their faces an' all.

    The kick-off were sharp at two-thirty,
    And soon as the whistle had went
    Both sides started banging each other
    'Til the swineherds could hear them in Kent.

    The Saxons had best line of forwards,
    Well armed both with buckler and sword -
    But the Normans had best combination,
    And when half-time came neither had scored.

    So the Duke called his cohorts together
    And said - 'Let's pretend that we're beat,
    Once we get Saxons down on the level
    We'll cut off their means of retreat.'

    So they ran - and the Saxons ran after,
    Just exactly as William had planned,
    Leaving 'Arold alone on the hill-top
    On his 'orse with his 'awk in his 'and.

    When the Conqueror saw what had happened,
    A bow and an arrow he drew;
    He went right up to 'Arold and shot him.
    He were off-side, but what could they do?

    The Normans turned round in a fury,
    And gave back both parry and thrust,
    Till the fight were all over bar shouting,
    And you couldn't see Saxons for dust.

    And after the battle were over
    They found 'Arold so stately and grand,
    Sitting there with an eye-full of arrow
    On his 'orse with his 'awk in his 'and.
    Carrot cruncher likes this.
  18. Dealer

    Dealer Member

    Right boys

    Never mind all this where art tho romeo nonsense

    Got a big job broke out.

    Following the match at Llangorse on Saturday another one of them furrus has gone missin..

    If any one nows the ware abouts please report findings to @Tonym as he and the judges are still looking for it.

    Picture does not tell the full story...

    Posted this as a concerned friend...:)

    Attached Files:

    Roy Stokes likes this.
  19. Roy Stokes

    Roy Stokes Member

    East Shropshire
    Is that a wheel mark there Robert, did Tony try to roll his opening ? ;)
  20. Ray996

    Ray996 Member

    Rabbi burns be on here next!

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