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Discussion in 'Competition Ploughing' started by Dealer, Mar 30, 2017.
Yeah, but he looks a poor poor soul
Ought to have another button that says AGREE rather than like for replying to things like this.
Always sad to see guys who once seemed invincible end up like this.
Tally ho and away we go chaps, stirrup cup needed before I select top gear though !
Must be summat phonograhic!
Content not available to you - roughly translated meeans thas mebbee lookin at summat tha dint owt ter be!
He's on them blue pills again.
Legal high or illegal length?
Both if he's needing stirrups.
Oft heard it said afoor what some o' yon toffs gerrup ter!
Befoor tha gits carried away wi Chubby Brown...
Theres a little orange book
And't advice contained therin it is
Advice that is best took
If tha's tonnin owert' sod
Fer allon' us as ploughin' still
Then its the word o'God
Its called The Rules ter plough by
An its allus best be known
Then tha nivver needs to ask
What t' score sheet should ave shown
If tha's apt fer kickin' off
At Judges an' thi mates
It tells thee what tha'll endup owin'
Ee'n gies thi allot rates!
It's a matter of opinion
But when all's said and dun
Its t' Judge as odds the pencil
An its im as ses oos wun.
It tells thi abaht straightness,
seedbed, depth an bein firm
But nivver gies a mention
t't poor owd little worm
It gies thi' t'road ter finish,
ow straight tha needs ter be
It can be quite confusing
Ceptin fert't likes o' me
Cos I av odd o't pencil
An its up ter me ter see
Which yan o' thee ist' winner,
Number two and three!
It must a' bin a proper card
as med up theese ere rules
Forgive me now fer sayin
But none on us is fools
Ther nivver ivver needs ter be
If't judgin as bin fair
A dubious certain aspect
Fer pickin one two three
Ow straight is straight
Thy asks me
But I can only see
Its a personal perception
That pokes thee in thi eey
It ough ter be checked fowwer times
But ony' gits checked wunce
Card who med up this bit
Is seemingly a dunce!
Tha nivver should forget though
Afore thinkin of abuse
Theres 20 points there waitin
Just for't specifc use
O't judge that tha's bin slatin.
Nivver thee forgit though
When all is said an dun
Its im as odds yon pencil
An its im as ses whos wun!
Edit fer Tong
An if ther nearly gits ter ave
A finsh thats wrong way
Then ton around reet sharp our Roy
Ahm sure that tha's nut gay!
And didn't note
Bleddy good that.judge.so wot thas sayin is I ave now burnt me bridges and I will ave ta up me game ta stand still
Nahh - Thas nowt ter fear frev me owd lad - allo't points is theer in that pecil o mine - its just up to me ter gie em ter't most deservin cases or in other words - ter git em int right order!
And just in passing - the most cutting thing about "you fat barsteward" is that its probably just about right an' thats t'ony reason a penned this ere poem cos a c'unt let thee off scott free
......bebuggered if ahm lettin thee
Ter carry on let off scot free
Forgive me just fer thinkin
Theres summat ere not right
Its appened in'ter British Isles
Right theer on't Isle of Wight
Bloomin ummer, flippin eck
Pencil used today
Whacked im 20 points off -
Finishing t'wrong way!
Just disliksek, summat else?
Who am I ter say?
Whacked im points off still regardless
Finishing t'wrong way
If tha's ivver settin on
A worker new ter thee
Just mek sure ee's reet
Ev a quick glance earthward ter'see
Is booits is on't reet feet
Allus mek sure tonnin corners
If tha's not reet sure
Which direction am I headin?
Should ah be tonnin reet?
Sorry, I hent bin away, just tryun to cure a skulleck caused by readun all this ole squit yer keep a roiten.
Oh ter be in England
After what ah's sin n' eard
One time such a notion
It would av bin absurd
We's ony gone n' won't world cup
N' beaten allot greats
Wiz left em all just stannin theer
Wi eeyes like dinner plates.
Traffic leets were flashin
Then it were green ter go
N' suddenly them Nations
Wuz alloff innaro.
Judges runnin ere n' theer
Wi stewards in theer air
Were sharpening theer pencils
Mekkin sure t' proceedings fair
We just ad the best o' splits
Sum it wern't theer day
Sum ad shockin oppenings
In a roundabout sort o' way.
Yan or two ran short on time
But t'stewards were ont case
The penalties that yon imposed
A would av said were base
Now twer't ton o't judges
English men nut sin afoor
After all there needs a way
O' bumpin up yon scoore
All fresh n' newly picked
Cum ere from't seminars
Allot on em wiyout a clue
Mays well o' cum from Mars
Them lights is started flashin now
Weer off agin wit starts
Am positiv theers sum out theer
Wi sharper wearin parts.
Ony't first used aspect
Scoresheet theer ter see
Wi England 76 in front
By eck some history
Theer ony is yan class
Conventional an't tunnower mixed
Ter mek it eesier judgin
Some reckons theer its fixed
Tommy Chocrane points off
Fer ploughin outer square
Wellbugger me ee ses out loud
Ahm ony ploughin't gair
Same fate for't elder Mitchell
By ee were in a state
It int that oft tha sees that man
When ee is that irate
Poor owd Aemon Treacy
It were ardly fair
Points that this lot gied him
Left things reet up in't air
Rhodri Geoge n' Evan Watkin
Theer ploughin stands the test
Dunnut matter ow thas goin
When't judge is 'choosin' t' best
Ronnie Coulter ee complained
Accomp'nied by them Gills
No ammount o' shoutin
Could solve that many ills
Then theres t' younger Mitchell
I eard a judge ter say
Dunt matter ow ee finishes ere this afternooin
On my sheet it's t' wrong way
When allot scores is totted up if sum'ones ower close
Wi't leeast on interference
We'll put it all ter rights
Our sneaky blow unnerneath o't belt wi' general appearance
All ower bar for't shoutin
Lets see owt points accrue
Amazin t' total tha can git
When't judge is picked by you!
OWW - KINNEL - BY ECK that urt
Theers ringin in mi eer
Av ad a dig int ribs, am pained
Av bin attacked a fear
Wek up come on tha soft owd lad
Tha's late fer work agin
More likely England winnit world
Ner thee nut lyin in!
Bleddy hell ...don't know wether ta call ya judge. .. poet lauriet. ..bard ......or word...but it meks fer amusin readin (no "g" on some of that).Radio 2 speak
The Battle of Hastings
A Poem By Marriot Edgar
I'll tell of the Battle of Hastings,
As happened in days long gone by,
When Duke William became King of England,
And 'Arold got shot in the eye.
It were this way - one day in October
The Duke, who were always a toff
Having no battles on at the moment,
Had given his lads a day off.
They'd all taken boats to go fishing,
When some chap in t' Conqueror's ear
Said 'Let's go and put breeze up the Saxons;'
Said Bill - 'By gum, that's an idea.'
Then turning around to his soldiers,
He lifted his big Nonnan voice,
Shouting - 'Hands up who's coming to England.'
That was swank 'cos they hadn't no choice.
They started away about tea-time -
The sea was so calm and so still,
And at quarter to ten the next morning
They arrived at a place called Bexhill.
King 'Arold came up as they landed -
His face full of venom and 'ate -
He said 'lf you've come for Regatta
You've got here just six weeks too late.'
At this William rose, cool but 'aughty,
And said 'Give us none of your cheek;
You'd best have your throne re-upholstered,
I'll be wanting to use it next week.'
When 'Arold heard this 'ere defiance,
With rage he turned purple and blue,
And shouted some rude words in Saxon,
To which William answered - 'And you.'
'Twere a beautiful day for a battle;
The Normans set off with a will,
And when both sides was duly assembled,
They tossed for the top of the hill.
King 'Arold he won the advantage,
On the hill-top he took up his stand,
With his knaves and his cads all around him,
On his 'orse with his 'awk in his 'and.
The Normans had nowt in their favour,
Their chance of a victory seemed small,
For the slope of the field were against them,
And the wind in their faces an' all.
The kick-off were sharp at two-thirty,
And soon as the whistle had went
Both sides started banging each other
'Til the swineherds could hear them in Kent.
The Saxons had best line of forwards,
Well armed both with buckler and sword -
But the Normans had best combination,
And when half-time came neither had scored.
So the Duke called his cohorts together
And said - 'Let's pretend that we're beat,
Once we get Saxons down on the level
We'll cut off their means of retreat.'
So they ran - and the Saxons ran after,
Just exactly as William had planned,
Leaving 'Arold alone on the hill-top
On his 'orse with his 'awk in his 'and.
When the Conqueror saw what had happened,
A bow and an arrow he drew;
He went right up to 'Arold and shot him.
He were off-side, but what could they do?
The Normans turned round in a fury,
And gave back both parry and thrust,
Till the fight were all over bar shouting,
And you couldn't see Saxons for dust.
And after the battle were over
They found 'Arold so stately and grand,
Sitting there with an eye-full of arrow
On his 'orse with his 'awk in his 'and.
Never mind all this where art tho romeo nonsense
Got a big job broke out.
Following the match at Llangorse on Saturday another one of them furrus has gone missin..
If any one nows the ware abouts please report findings to @Tonym as he and the judges are still looking for it.
Picture does not tell the full story...
Posted this as a concerned friend...
Is that a wheel mark there Robert, did Tony try to roll his opening ?
Rabbi burns be on here next!