11 yr old lad new school few friends - is there any hope?

[Chasingmytail]

Been a tough year on our youngest. Being semi-rural, new comp started in Sept (most of the other children went further out to faith school) Him and his brother prob only farming children in the huge school. With boys its all sweaty football and Xbox. Aggressive on the playground rude and obnoxious boys cant possibly just kick a ball around it all serious so any time he want to join in they push him off. Then what other hobbies or interests do they have? Its seems its all staring at the phone or xbox. My lil lad is into mountain biking, walking, running, swimming & food. Now that any extra circ is cancelled at school there is little room for him to even find new friends in other years as well. Even in Junior his abilities at running and cycling were not given anything like the football kids were getting accolades in assemblies etc which really wound me up. Everything is now cancelled.

I see my poor 11 yr old who has struggled with schooling as it is have no real friends. His older brother is his best friend but his brother wants to spend time with his other biking friends. This afternoon gone off on a walk on his own. When I compare it to my childhood makes mine look marvellous (even though it was more likely ok).

His father takes him in the workshop so he's not alone that much but rather see him making friends with things in common. He spends a lot of time on Instagram which imo is not good for mental health and Roblox. I cant get him to read or drawer or do anything to help him focus on improving his schooling either.

With this Covid his childhood at this stage is really sad to watch. He can walk over the fields to the outskirts of the town but then no one is out.

Not really sure why Im saying this really but its not helped by Covid. I just hope when he goes back to school next week there is hope of building new relationships with others.

 

[Breckland Boy]

You're not alone.
My boy has moved to high school too. He spends his entire day in his class bubble with one other from his old primary school.
It's really tough for him and all children.
Really feel for them all.

 

[Pistonbroke]

My lad was the only boy in his year at primary and we took him to join the local rugby club. He mixed with a load of boys that are all his year group and has stayed friends with all of them now. Don't have to be a superstar at that age to be involved

 

[PSQ]

It’s been an especially crap year for kids, so many of them are at a loose end and changing schools will only compound it.
If he’s not being welcomed into school groups does he have any inclination to join local a cycling club / hockey team / rugby team/ cadets or other such group activity to make friends at?
One thing his new school has at least taught him: footballs for tossers.

 

[Wilksy]

I hate to see kids excluded other kids can be really mean, it sounds like it is what it is and you can't change his situation for the better any time soon, at some point in his future he will find a like minded mate, but he's better to stick to his guns and be himself rather than try to tow the line, I had and still have good mates from school (I'm 45) but I lived away from them so spent a lot of time on my own, I never felt worse for it and I really enjoy my own company, but I did make stuff and lark out in the countryside, your lad will be fine and I'm sure it will all pan out, my 11yr old daughter is roblox mad, what's his user name?

 

[Still Farming]

College and then Uni no different.
Sad times.

 

[Redfish]

Completely agree with the rugby idea, my youngest is year 8 and he went to secondary as the only boy from his primary school. He's made a great circle of friends through the team. If he enjoys the outdoor stuff and his fitness is good he'll do well. Hopefully they'll get back to a bit of training once the welsh restrictions are eased a bit on the 9th?

 

[glasshouse]

Been a tough year on our youngest. Being semi-rural, new comp started in Sept (most of the other children went further out to faith school) Him and his brother prob only farming children in the huge school. With boys its all sweaty football and Xbox. Aggressive on the playground rude and obnoxious boys cant possibly just kick a ball around it all serious so any time he want to join in they push him off. Then what other hobbies or interests do they have? Its seems its all staring at the phone or xbox. My lil lad is into mountain biking, walking, running, swimming & food. Now that any extra circ is cancelled at school there is little room for him to even find new friends in other years as well. Even in Junior his abilities at running and cycling were not given anything like the football kids were getting accolades in assemblies etc which really wound me up. Everything is now cancelled.

I see my poor 11 yr old who has struggled with schooling as it is have no real friends. His older brother is his best friend but his brother wants to spend time with his other biking friends. This afternoon gone off on a walk on his own. When I compare it to my childhood makes mine look marvellous (even though it was more likely ok).

His father takes him in the workshop so he's not alone that much but rather see him making friends with things in common. He spends a lot of time on Instagram which imo is not good for mental health and Roblox. I cant get him to read or drawer or do anything to help him focus on improving his schooling either.

With this Covid his childhood at this stage is really sad to watch. He can walk over the fields to the outskirts of the town but then no one is out.

Not really sure why Im saying this really but its not helped by Covid. I just hope when he goes back to school next week there is hope of building new relationships with others.

Get him a pony
Join the pony club

 

[spin cycle]

nothing new for lots of rural kids....i knew no-one when i went to secondary school nor did my son....it worked out

 

[Chasingmytail]

Completely agree with the rugby idea, my youngest is year 8 and he went to secondary as the only boy from his primary school. He's made a great circle of friends through the team. If he enjoys the outdoor stuff and his fitness is good he'll do well. Hopefully they'll get back to a bit of training once the welsh restrictions are eased a bit on the 9th?

again he's not interested in Rugby neither is my eldest he cant stand it and in a way Im glad with all the injuries. But the school wont be lifting restrictions on clubs etc for some time Im concerned by then his confidence will be further quashed. He hasnt swam since February and put on weight. He def needs routine and this fitness. He's also very young in his personality and has such low confidence Im worried how he would fit into a 'team' without it being managed well. Sadly the sport in this school is not great and the whole cross country thing is so badly managed in Wales. Even the swimming pool cant be used by the school as its managed by the LA trust and the last time my eldest was swimming they were only allowed up the shallow end to do widths as they dont have the guards & staff to oversee. The whole school sports thing is utter tosh in comp now. Some people dont realise how bad its got now and for children that arnt academic sport can be a lifeline which is being striped bare.

 

[Kiwi Pete]

Motocross the best mates I ever made were via racing bikes - it is like dirt bikes were invented for creating better memories

 

[Bill Turtle]

My son does enduro motorcycle racing. We have joined a club and he gets training. He has a group of like minded friends through this. None of them go to his school, but they keep in touch and meet up at one another’s farms or small holdings. Sometimes with the motorbikes, but often they mess about on mountain bikes to practice skills.
He doesn’t enjoy team sports but has really blossomed by doing this. The clubs are very friendly and inclusive with members from 6 to 86. Trials riding might be another possibility. He did try ponies, but not his thing, although his cousin and younger brother do that.

 

[PSQ]

I’m maybe going to get some flak for this, but have you considered going private?
Private schools are obviously expensive for one thing, but they (usually) excel at building young people in the classroom and on the (multiple) sports fields, where state schools are pretty much ticking boxes on a skeleton budget and providing the bare minimum.
There are of course many state schools that punch way above others in the rankings on an LEA budget, and some kids that manage to punch way above the average even at the bottom ranked schools, but again some kids just don’t thrive until they’re taken out of the state system.
Is there a decent day school nearby?
If they offer scholarships there might be some serious help with fees if he meets their criteria.

 

[glasshouse]

again he's not interested in Rugby neither is my eldest he cant stand it and in a way Im glad with all the injuries. But the school wont be lifting restrictions on clubs etc for some time Im concerned by then his confidence will be further quashed. He hasnt swam since February and put on weight. He def needs routine and this fitness. He's also very young in his personality and has such low confidence Im worried how he would fit into a 'team' without it being managed well. Sadly the sport in this school is not great and the whole cross country thing is so badly managed in Wales. Even the swimming pool cant be used by the school as its managed by the LA trust and the last time my eldest was swimming they were only allowed up the shallow end to do widths as they dont have the guards & staff to oversee. The whole school sports thing is utter tosh in comp now. Some people dont realise how bad its got now and for children that arnt academic sport can be a lifeline which is being striped bare.

Do you have livestock?

 

[haggard143]

again he's not interested in Rugby neither is my eldest he cant stand it and in a way Im glad with all the injuries. But the school wont be lifting restrictions on clubs etc for some time Im concerned by then his confidence will be further quashed. He hasnt swam since February and put on weight. He def needs routine and this fitness. He's also very young in his personality and has such low confidence Im worried how he would fit into a 'team' without it being managed well. Sadly the sport in this school is not great and the whole cross country thing is so badly managed in Wales. Even the swimming pool cant be used by the school as its managed by the LA trust and the last time my eldest was swimming they were only allowed up the shallow end to do widths as they dont have the guards & staff to oversee. The whole school sports thing is utter tosh in comp now. Some people dont realise how bad its got now and for children that arnt academic sport can be a lifeline which is being striped bare.

local yfc countrysiders club ? son's yfc just started up with restrictions on numbers

 

[Muddyroads]

FWIW I think the fact your aware of what’s going on and have taken the time to write about it on here can only be a good thing.
My parents really didn’t take any notice when my school life took a slightly similar turn many years ago. The only times I was happy were when I was helping out on local farms, but this of course meant that I didn’t really spend much time with kids of my own age.
Looking back now, what I was most lacking with my peers was confidence and I felt very much alone and the odd one out.
Anything you can do to help with this confidence, and in turn make him realise that he is loved and supported, will only do him good. Does he take any interest in the farm? Any small projects you could involve him in to improve his self worth will pay dividends, without you being seen to be ”trying too hard”.

 

[melted welly]

I’m maybe going to get some flak for this, but have you considered going private?
Private schools are obviously expensive for one thing, but they (usually) excel at building young people in the classroom and on the (multiple) sports fields, where state schools are pretty much ticking boxes on a skeleton budget and providing the bare minimum.
There are of course many state schools that punch way above others in the rankings on an LEA budget, and some kids that manage to punch way above the average even at the bottom ranked schools, but again some kids just don’t thrive until they’re taken out of the state system.
Is there a decent day school nearby?
If they offer scholarships there might be some serious help with fees if he meets their criteria.

thats why Nicola wants rid of them, bring everyone down to same level instead of focussing on raising the standard of state provision.

 

[glasshouse]

thats why Nicola wants rid of them, bring everyone down to same level instead of focussing on raising the standard of state provision.

The snp are not socialists, they love giving public cash to landowners

 

[melted welly]

The snp are not socialists, they love giving public cash to landowners

i know, but she doesn’t like private schools

 

[TechWise]

thats why Nicola wants rid of them, bring everyone down to same level instead of focussing on raising the standard of state provision.

My number one gripe with the Scottish education system. It's not about encouraging the diligent pupils to excel, it's about bringing everyone down to the same level as the ones that don't want to be there. I ended up getting into trouble for acting out in my final year at primary school because I was bored stiff. I'd already passed the minimum tests for starting first year at secondary school and the moment that happens the school loses interest. Roll forward to secondary school, there was talk of about 20 of us siting our standard grades in third year, like it was often done years ago. That idea was quickly dropped and we went through the work at a snails pace until fourth year while the teachers spent their time negotiating with pupils who didn't want to be there at all.

Getting back to the OP, it can be difficult at primary school and, to a certain extent, secondary school to make friends and socialise if you're not into the "mainstream things". As you've rightly pointed out, the mainstream thing is generally football. I was much the same at primary school because I hated football so I tended to hang around with the geeky kids because, well, I am a geek. Secondary school was much the same initially because the school was massively into rugby so everything sort of revolved around that. It wasn't until about second year that I realised that a couple of the boys in my registration class were into shooting. At that time, I wasn't involved in shooting but I like being outdoors. They ended up getting me into it and we're still best friends 10 years later. I'm glad it worked out that way because when I started university, the "mainstream" thing to do was go out and get hammered every night of the week, which didn't interest me. Having good friends back home with common interests is what got me through 4 long years in uni.

I can't say I have any recommendations for the OP, other than to say that the young one's outdoor hobbies should absolutely be encouraged, because there comes a time when you realise trying to fit in with the "cool kids" is a waste of time. If he makes a friend who's into mountain biking, swimming or walking then that's a friend for life with a common interest that they genuinely enjoy.