- Location
- Penzance
I am so glad everyone is feeling much better. Weather change does certainly help things along also. Onwards and upwards lads/lasses 
Dealing with depression - suicidal thoughts - Join the conversation (including helpline details)
- Thread starter Andyrob
- Start date
Farmer1001
Member
- Location
- Penzance
Big congrats, you must be so proud
I'm glad everything has worked out well. You're absolutely right about making most of everything. We do have only one shot at this life and we have to give it our best go life is an amazing giftChris123
Member
- Location
- Shropshire
His cattle didn’t get a bid, they were fairly bloody poor,
What was he going to do? He couldn’t feed them anymore,
The dams were all but dry, hay was thirteen bucks a bale,
Last month’s talk of rain was just a fairytale,
His credit had run out, no chance to pay what’s owed,
Bad thoughts ran through his head as he drove down Gully Road.
“Geez, great grandad bought the place back in 1898,
“Now I’m such a useless barsteward, I’ll have to shut the gate.
“Can’t support my wife and kids, not like dad and those before,
“Crikey, Grandma kept it going while Pop fought in the war.”
With depression now his master, he abandoned what was right,
There’s no place in life for failures, he’d end it all tonight.
There were still some things to do, he’d have to shoot the cattle first,
Of all the jobs he’d ever done, that would be the worst.
He’d have a shower, watch the news, then they’d all sit down for tea
Read his kids a bedtime story, watch some more TV,
Kiss his wife goodnight, say he was off to shoot some roos
Then in a paddock far away he’d blow away the blues.
But he drove in the gate and stopped – as he always had
To check the roadside mailbox – and found a letter from his Dad.
Now his dad was not a writer, Mum did all the cards and mail
But he knew the writing from the notebooks that he’d kept from cattle sales,
He sensed the nature of its contents, felt moisture in his eyes,
Just the fact his dad had written was enough to make him cry.
“Son, I know it’s bloody tough, it’s a cruel and twisted game,
“This life upon the land when you’re screaming out for rain,
“There’s no candle in the darkness, not a single speck of light
“But don’t let the demon get you, you have to do what’s right,
“I don’t know what’s in your head but push the bad thoughts well away
“See, you’ll always have your family at the back end of the day
“You have to talk to someone, and yes I know I rarely did
“But you have to think about Fiona and think about the kids.
“I’m worried about you son, you haven’t rung for quite a while,
“I know the road you’re on ‘cause I’ve walked every bloody mile.
“The date? December 7 back in 1983,
“Behind the shed I had the shotgun rested in the brigalow tree.
“See, I’d borrowed way too much to buy the Johnson place
“Then it didn’t rain for years and we got bombed by interest rates,
“The bank was at the door, I didn’t think I had a choice,
“I began to squeeze the trigger – that’s when I heard your voice.
“You said ‘Where are you Daddy? It’s time to play our game’
“’ I’ve got Squatter all set up, we might get General Rain.’
“It really was that close, you’re the one that stopped me son,
“And you’re the one that taught me there’s no answer in a gun.
“Just remember people love you, good friends won’t let you down.
“Look, you might have to swallow pride and take that job in town,
“Just ’til things come good, son, you’ve always got a choice
“And when you get this letter ring me, ’cause I’d love to hear your voice.”
Well he cried and laughed and shook his head then put the truck in gear,
Shut his eyes and hugged his dad in a vision that was clear,
Dropped the cattle at the yards, put the truck away
Filled the troughs the best he could and fed his last ten bales of hay.
Then he strode towards the homestead, shoulders back and head held high,
He still knew the road was tough but there was purpose in his eye.
He called his wife and children, who’d lived through all his pain,
Hugs said more than words – he’d come back to them again,
They talked of silver linings, how good times always follow bad,
Then he walked towards the phone, picked it up and rang his Dad.
And while the kids set up the Squatter, he hugged his wife again,
Then they heard the roll of thunder and they smelt the smell of rain.
Author : Murray Hartin
What was he going to do? He couldn’t feed them anymore,
The dams were all but dry, hay was thirteen bucks a bale,
Last month’s talk of rain was just a fairytale,
His credit had run out, no chance to pay what’s owed,
Bad thoughts ran through his head as he drove down Gully Road.
“Geez, great grandad bought the place back in 1898,
“Now I’m such a useless barsteward, I’ll have to shut the gate.
“Can’t support my wife and kids, not like dad and those before,
“Crikey, Grandma kept it going while Pop fought in the war.”
With depression now his master, he abandoned what was right,
There’s no place in life for failures, he’d end it all tonight.
There were still some things to do, he’d have to shoot the cattle first,
Of all the jobs he’d ever done, that would be the worst.
He’d have a shower, watch the news, then they’d all sit down for tea
Read his kids a bedtime story, watch some more TV,
Kiss his wife goodnight, say he was off to shoot some roos
Then in a paddock far away he’d blow away the blues.
But he drove in the gate and stopped – as he always had
To check the roadside mailbox – and found a letter from his Dad.
Now his dad was not a writer, Mum did all the cards and mail
But he knew the writing from the notebooks that he’d kept from cattle sales,
He sensed the nature of its contents, felt moisture in his eyes,
Just the fact his dad had written was enough to make him cry.
“Son, I know it’s bloody tough, it’s a cruel and twisted game,
“This life upon the land when you’re screaming out for rain,
“There’s no candle in the darkness, not a single speck of light
“But don’t let the demon get you, you have to do what’s right,
“I don’t know what’s in your head but push the bad thoughts well away
“See, you’ll always have your family at the back end of the day
“You have to talk to someone, and yes I know I rarely did
“But you have to think about Fiona and think about the kids.
“I’m worried about you son, you haven’t rung for quite a while,
“I know the road you’re on ‘cause I’ve walked every bloody mile.
“The date? December 7 back in 1983,
“Behind the shed I had the shotgun rested in the brigalow tree.
“See, I’d borrowed way too much to buy the Johnson place
“Then it didn’t rain for years and we got bombed by interest rates,
“The bank was at the door, I didn’t think I had a choice,
“I began to squeeze the trigger – that’s when I heard your voice.
“You said ‘Where are you Daddy? It’s time to play our game’
“’ I’ve got Squatter all set up, we might get General Rain.’
“It really was that close, you’re the one that stopped me son,
“And you’re the one that taught me there’s no answer in a gun.
“Just remember people love you, good friends won’t let you down.
“Look, you might have to swallow pride and take that job in town,
“Just ’til things come good, son, you’ve always got a choice
“And when you get this letter ring me, ’cause I’d love to hear your voice.”
Well he cried and laughed and shook his head then put the truck in gear,
Shut his eyes and hugged his dad in a vision that was clear,
Dropped the cattle at the yards, put the truck away
Filled the troughs the best he could and fed his last ten bales of hay.
Then he strode towards the homestead, shoulders back and head held high,
He still knew the road was tough but there was purpose in his eye.
He called his wife and children, who’d lived through all his pain,
Hugs said more than words – he’d come back to them again,
They talked of silver linings, how good times always follow bad,
Then he walked towards the phone, picked it up and rang his Dad.
And while the kids set up the Squatter, he hugged his wife again,
Then they heard the roll of thunder and they smelt the smell of rain.
Author : Murray Hartin
- Location
- Limousin/Charentes toad land
That's very good
- Location
- Limousin/Charentes toad land
That's very good
- Location
- NSW, Newstralya
If you go back a few pages, you'll find a link to a Henry Rollins conversation with Murray Hartin about that poem
lazy farmer
Member
- Location
- som/dor border
bought a tear to my eye.
Hope it’s working for you too @BobGreen
How do people truly move on or finally let go of the questions they hold regarding a close loved one / friends suicide!
It has been over 2 years now since my best friend took his own life (He was only 21) when out gathering some sheep off his hill and there was no signs or reasoning to why to either myself or his family.....
I feel like I have moved on and yet randomly out the blue everything floods back all of a sudden and all those questions are left hanging there all over again, unanswered as ever!
It has been over 2 years now since my best friend took his own life (He was only 21) when out gathering some sheep off his hill and there was no signs or reasoning to why to either myself or his family.....
I feel like I have moved on and yet randomly out the blue everything floods back all of a sudden and all those questions are left hanging there all over again, unanswered as ever!
Christoph1945
Member
- Location
- Widnes West Cheshire
Hi Bruce,
having only just read your post I got to wondering just how close you and your friend were, how did he actually commit suicide, and did he leave 'any' clues indicating why he thought he needed to end it all?
having only just read your post I got to wondering just how close you and your friend were, how did he actually commit suicide, and did he leave 'any' clues indicating why he thought he needed to end it all?
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Christoph1945
Member
- Location
- Widnes West Cheshire
Been AWON for a while and undergoing some testing times and having my patience and long suffering severely tested. My wife who is registered disabled, God bless her, decided that I needed a well deserved break and booked us a month on the Costa del Sol; self catering.
Flight out was delayed due to a member of the cabin crew sustaining an injury just before returning to Alicante. Arrived at destination address 0200 hrs ( in the dark ) to discover that address was correct but accomodation was nonexistent. Struggled through the month and had to find an extra £1200 to cover fresh accommodation but eventually made it through the month and checked in for the return flight to Liverpool.
Sitting airside, feeling quite quite relieved to be heading home, we were stunned to get a text informing us that our flight was cancelled. We knew before the airport staff that the flight was cancelled! Cutting a long story short.............we were put up in a local hotel ( after food was finished being served for the day ) and had to leave before breakfast to catch an alternative flight to Manchester.
To say that we are really annoyed about the whole matter would be putting it mildly, but when we look around at all that was going on during our month.........shootings, fatal accidents, and major international incidents..........our problems pale into insignificance. But having said that; I'm still well pee'd off about the whole matter.
I suppose that the French air traffic controllers would say 'that's life'. How do you say it in french?
Chris
Flight out was delayed due to a member of the cabin crew sustaining an injury just before returning to Alicante. Arrived at destination address 0200 hrs ( in the dark ) to discover that address was correct but accomodation was nonexistent. Struggled through the month and had to find an extra £1200 to cover fresh accommodation but eventually made it through the month and checked in for the return flight to Liverpool.
Sitting airside, feeling quite quite relieved to be heading home, we were stunned to get a text informing us that our flight was cancelled. We knew before the airport staff that the flight was cancelled! Cutting a long story short.............we were put up in a local hotel ( after food was finished being served for the day ) and had to leave before breakfast to catch an alternative flight to Manchester.
To say that we are really annoyed about the whole matter would be putting it mildly, but when we look around at all that was going on during our month.........shootings, fatal accidents, and major international incidents..........our problems pale into insignificance. But having said that; I'm still well pee'd off about the whole matter.
I suppose that the French air traffic controllers would say 'that's life'. How do you say it in french?
Chris
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- Location
- Limousin/Charentes toad land
Been AWON for a while and undergoing some testing times and having my patience and long suffering severely tested. My wife who is registered disabled, God bless her, decided that I needed a well deserved break and booked us a month on the Costa del Sol; self catering.
Flight out was delayed due to a member of the cabin crew sustaining an injury just before returning to Alicante. Arrived at destination address 0200 hrs ( in the dark ) to discover that address was correct but accomodation was nonexistent. Struggled through the month and had to find an extra £1200 to cover fresh accommodation but eventually made it through the month and checked in for the return flight to Liverpool.
Sitting airside, feeling quite quite relieved to be heading home, we were stunned to get a text informing us that our flight was cancelled. We knew before the airport staff that the flight was cancelled! Cutting a long story short.............we were put up in a local hotel ( after food was finished being served for the day ) and had to leave before breakfast to catch an alternative flight to Manchester.
To say that we are really annoyed about the whole matter would be putting it mildly, but when we look around at all that was going on during our month.........shootings, fatal accidents, and major international incidents..........our problems pale into insignificance. But having said that; I'm still well pee'd off about the whole matter.
I suppose that the French air traffic controllers would say 'that's life'. How do you say it in french?
Chris
C’est la vie
So sorry to here of your troubles and your friends death @Bruce Almighty, the main thing is to not blame yourself. No one knows what goes through another persons mind and their inner tourmoil, the main thing is to remember the good times you had.
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@Christoph1945 what a nightmare, I hope you get some compensation for your horrendous treatment by the airline. Also to find the accommodation none existent must have been a disaster, well done for soldiering on and trying to make the Best of a bad job
TheScottishDairyman
Member
Morning all. Iv been on sertraline for 4 months now. I wasn’t expecting a quick fix but in the last couple weeks iv fairly gotten down again for some reason. I managed a few days away a couple of weeks ago. Was great when I was away but as soon as I returned home I became very low again. I have up days and down days but at the moment I would say down is beating up. I feel it hard to speak to people about things now because I feel myself trying to put a front on to family and friends because im suppose to be getting better. Im not enjoying my job. I only started 6 months ago iv never felt it’s been right but I can’t decide if that’s the depression speaking or if it’s not the job for me. I don’t seem to enjoy working with stock anymore and I hoped that when calving was finished and they were all out to grass I would re find my love for them but it just seem to continue to get me down you all no what stock is like it’s one problem after another but again I don’t no if that’s the depression speaking. Anyway just thought I’d share with someone and you lot seemed the best bet. Thanks.
Sorry I’ve no words of wisdom mate but sounds like a carbon copy of where I am, even down to same medication.lm just brain dead, my feelings of dread and hopelessness are unbearable especially in the mornings. Been back to the doctors but all they want to do is do blood tests and find nothing wrong. I feel your pain , sorry I’m no help.
CharcoalWally
Member
- Location
- West of Scotland
Very sorry to read this.
Have you talked to your doctor about this yet? Tell him /her that your medication appears to be taking you back rather than forward? Could be something simple like to dosage needs tweaked, or maybe you need a complete change? Best have it out with them.
Otherwise, maybe you want to consider taking a career time out? If time away from the job lifts your spirits so much, it's certainly worth considering. Nothing in farming is worth being unhappy over. Nothing is worth sacrificing our positive mental wellbeing over.
I'm sure there will have been plenty of others who will have reached the point of simply walking away from it all in the past.
Looking after the welfare of farm livestock is a stressful job at the best of times.
Look after yourself as well.