Dealing with depression - suicidal thoughts - Join the conversation (including helpline details)

[nelly55]

Today I’m up early again,fighting pain and worry.Apart from speaking to the doctor who would medicate no doubt and say change your life style what do you do.Yesterday it would have been so easy to walk down the drive and not look back.Talking is good but who too who doesn’t judge.Constant pain is no fun

 

[Christoph1945]

Good morning Nelly; what time do you call early and how severe is the pain?
If you did walk down the drive without looking back, where do you think you would possibly like to go?

Who to talk to? A trusted friend, your clergy, the Samaritans. Depending on the root cause of your pain, there may be a support group in your area who meet to help and support each other.

 

[czechmate]

Today I’m up early again,fighting pain and worry.Apart from speaking to the doctor who would medicate no doubt and say change your life style what do you do.Yesterday it would have been so easy to walk down the drive and not look back.Talking is good but who too who doesn’t judge.Constant pain is no fun

During my bad years (most of the 90’s ), I actually did drive down the drive a few times. Felt like something of a tit afterwards though, with no purpose

 

[Kiwi Pete]

Today I’m up early again,fighting pain and worry.Apart from speaking to the doctor who would medicate no doubt and say change your life style what do you do.Yesterday it would have been so easy to walk down the drive and not look back.Talking is good but who too who doesn’t judge.Constant pain is no fun

It sure isn't.

Feel free to PM me if you ever need "someone" - nights can be too long sometimes

 

[davieh3350]

If you feel that you have to keep on working hard with a lot of stock or a lot of land because you feel you cannot let it go because of sentimental reasons or because it's what you have always done and wanted to do... You don't have to.

I've just given up a farm, one of the three blocks I've got (not massive acerages, I'm no tycoon) which was actually the favourite piece as it was home, I grew up on it. Ive cut my stock numbers gradually from 90 head of cattle two years ago to 5 as of last Friday....
It's a weight off my mind! I'll get as much pleasure out of having 4 cows and 32 sheep as I did with all the others. if I end up completely giving up and moving away I've done the hardest bit, making the first step.

Don't run yourself into the ground being overloaded. Big isn't best.

 

[nelly55]

If you feel that you have to keep on working hard with a lot of stock or a lot of land because you feel you cannot let it go because of sentimental reasons or because it's what you have always done and wanted to do... You don't have to.

I've just given up a farm, one of the three blocks I've got (not massive acerages, I'm no tycoon) which was actually the favourite piece as it was home, I grew up on it. Ive cut my stock numbers gradually from 90 head of cattle two years ago to 5 as of last Friday....
It's a weight off my mind! I'll get as much pleasure out of having 4 cows and 32 sheep as I did with all the others. if I end up completely giving up and moving away I've done the hardest bit, making the first step.

Don't run yourself into the ground being overloaded. Big isn't best.

Thank you,thankfully my acreage has now gone down,cutting cattle numbers back .OH wants to sell and move to a farm away from this area ,as she hates it.Sometimes things just get so on top of you,you can’t see the wood for the trees.You can’t talk to anyone because they all gossip ,and love to know everyone’s business.Todays another day

 

[Chae1]

Think you'll find thats human nature, and the same in most areas.

 

[waterbuffalofarmer]

Nearly a year ago I found myself in the shed with the shotgun. I was a complete mess with it seemed like everything going wrong. It had been building up over around 4 years with being messed around by a crackers landlord, losing hundreds of lambs in bad weather at lambing and all the normal shite that farmers have to deal with. Not telling the missus what was going on made things worse and the feelings of guilt were overwhelming. But in the end I couldn't bring myself to leave my 2 smashing kids without their daddy. I didn't even think I was sick, just a failure. It did give me a kick up the arse to tell the missus and she organised a psycho.. something or other - I didn't ask the lady what she was but I wish I had done it years earlier. It took a few months to make any progress but she really really helped. She taught me a few techniques to cope. The two main ones were to write everything down - this gets it out of your head and honestly helps deal with things. I thought it was nonsense but I eventually started doing it and it really helped. The other one was to use the "Golden cloak" when dealing with eejits such as landlords. In your head, you put this golden cloak on when you are feeling hassled by someone. It gives you time to consider what's going on and let's you respond appropriately rather than flying off the handle or saying something you later regret.

Above all, don't bottle it up - speak to someone sooner rather than later. I've only recently told anyone else I know. Both of them reacted amazingly (which I didn't expect) and I wish I'd confided in them sooner.

Well done for doing that, it is a difficult thing to do and thankyou so much for sharing it with all of us

Can I ask? The golden cloak part, I am curious to how it works could you explain in some more detail how it works for you?

 

[Loaghtan Chaser]

Well done for doing that, it is a difficult thing to do and thankyou so much for sharing it with all of us

Can I ask? The golden cloak part, I am curious to how it works could you explain in some more detail how it works for you?

When you are faced with something which you know is going to cause a lot of anxiety or stress. Mainly when someone, who you have convinced yourself that they have power over you, is asking you to answer a question or make a decision etc there and then. You put on the "golden cloak" and don't commit to an answer straight away. Take time to think about it - as long as you need. This not only gives you time to consider a response when they are not present (instead of hastily rushing to an answer to try and end the anxiety asap) but also turns the tables and gives you some of the power. You are now pulling the strings and they are the ones getting stressed out because they wanted a response straight away - normally by pushing you to the point of cracking.
I've probably made this sound more complicated than it really is but I think it's all about turning the anxiety back on to the person who is causing it to you, if that makes sense?

I cant emphasise enough though that talking to someone - any bugger at all - is both the best but the hardest thing to do. I've been thinking about it quite a bit lately, would it be possible to allow people to make anonymous comments just on this thread? Maybe have an option allowing people to stay anonymous? Although I don't know any fella on here, many others will and being able to comment anonymously will let them to talk to others, get all the shyte out off their heads and help them a great deal. It really really does help! We are guilty in our industry of acting tough and not wanting to show any weakness but I think it shows more toughness to admit when something is wrong.

That's what I reckon anyway.

 

[Kiwi Pete]

Think you'll find thats human nature, and the same in most areas.

Some of it is probably human nature, and some of it's possibly the nature that humans are "trained" to want?

I've got the balance of a reasonably intimate knowledge of what our Maori people "once had" compared to where they are at the moment (unfairly over-represented in all the wrong stats) and it really brings home what their nature was.
And also how the European way has "destroyed" them, simply because they didn't evolve into it, rather it just happened.

When you look at modern society, economy, it really reads much the same; we didn't evolve to become what we are, to cope with what we have.
There's so much "ego" and so little reason for us to have it.

Heck, the Maori didn't even have a concept of ownership.... land was collectively owned, as were all natural resources and treasures (taonga) for the good of everyone.
Compare that to the feudal land systems and ways "of the north"... trying to run a profitable business off a landscape you pay for, but never own..

Sorry for the sidetrack, but the fault doesn't really lie within, it lies without.
Without all the fluff, the competitiveness, the ego, the economy and the materialism, it's much easier to be grateful, to care about other people, the natural world and it's beauty.

Never blame yourself for the gilded cage you're in; a human's nature is to keep moving and leave some behind for the next guy, but that's hardly the way "to get ahead".
Whilst we are trained to want more more more, the hope lies in less of most of it.

Less work, less stress, less late nights fuelled by caffeine... and just live a little.
Take the joy that is yours, that someone left behind for someone else to enjoy.
Sell less, give more of yourself.

 

[Kiwi Pete]

When you are faced with something which you know is going to cause a lot of anxiety or stress. Mainly when someone, who you have convinced yourself that they have power over you, is asking you to answer a question or make a decision etc there and then. You put on the "golden cloak" and don't commit to an answer straight away. Take time to think about it - as long as you need. This not only gives you time to consider a response when they are not present (instead of hastily rushing to an answer to try and end the anxiety asap) but also turns the tables and gives you some of the power. You are now pulling the strings and they are the ones getting stressed out because they wanted a response straight away - normally by pushing you to the point of cracking.
I've probably made this sound more complicated than it really is but I think it's all about turning the anxiety back on to the person who is causing it to you, if that makes sense?

I cant emphasise enough though that talking to someone - any bugger at all - is both the best but the hardest thing to do. I've been thinking about it quite a bit lately, would it be possible to allow people to make anonymous comments just on this thread? Maybe have an option allowing people to stay anonymous? Although I don't know any fella on here, many others will and being able to comment anonymously will let them to talk to others, get all the shyte out off their heads and help them a great deal. It really really does help! We are guilty in our industry of acting tough and not wanting to show any weakness but I think it shows more toughness to admit when something is wrong.

That's what I reckon anyway.

I like that, a lot

I'm really fortunate in that I now have no trouble talking, like you I've tasted the powder residue, around the back of the shed.... thanks to the phone ringing, that was as far as I got with that.

 

[BobGreen]

When you are faced with something which you know is going to cause a lot of anxiety or stress. Mainly when someone, who you have convinced yourself that they have power over you, is asking you to answer a question or make a decision etc there and then. You put on the "golden cloak" and don't commit to an answer straight away. Take time to think about it - as long as you need. This not only gives you time to consider a response when they are not present (instead of hastily rushing to an answer to try and end the anxiety asap) but also turns the tables and gives you some of the power. You are now pulling the strings and they are the ones getting stressed out because they wanted a response straight away - normally by pushing you to the point of cracking.
I've probably made this sound more complicated than it really is but I think it's all about turning the anxiety back on to the person who is causing it to you, if that makes sense?

I cant emphasise enough though that talking to someone - any bugger at all - is both the best but the hardest thing to do. I've been thinking about it quite a bit lately, would it be possible to allow people to make anonymous comments just on this thread? Maybe have an option allowing people to stay anonymous? Although I don't know any fella on here, many others will and being able to comment anonymously will let them to talk to others, get all the shyte out off their heads and help them a great deal. It really really does help! We are guilty in our industry of acting tough and not wanting to show any weakness but I think it shows more toughness to admit when something is wrong.

That's what I reckon anyway.

I like your post a lot. Everything you’ve said made perfect sense. Whenever I don’t get a response when I expect one it raises my anxiety which is exactly what I’ve done to her in the first place
Your idea of anonymity is a good one. I think there’s a lot of people who would post but don’t because they think they’ll appear weak or unprofessional
Me I’ve got to an age I really don’t give a sh!t

 

[Lili]

I think there’s a lot of people who would post but don’t because they think they’ll appear weak or unprofessional

Taking the first step and admitting there's a problem takes courage. Appearing weak or unprofessional couldn't be further from the truth. Feeling anxious, depressed or desparing isn't a crime or a failure, it's just life and everybody needs help sometimes. Please if you've got problems post on here - theres plenty of people to listen and offer support.

 

[Kiwi Pete]

If you had a broken arm, not only would the people around you strive to lighten the load; but you wouldn't leave your doctor without pain relief, a cast on the arm and a big list of instructions to rehabilitate yourself.

Why is it SO different when our mind is broken?

It's an illness, NOT your fault

 

[DrWazzock]

Ambivalence - my new favourite word of the week. Take from another thread in the cropping section.

You have to have a certain amount of ambivalence in this farming job. Best laid plans get screwed up by the weather and things beyond our control.

Trying to reduce reliance on farming so that I can be even more ambivalent to it. Not investing any more cash in the farm. Ring fencing my savings and not busting a gut over it any more. If the farm sinks, it sinks, but it ain't going to take me down with it.

 

[Christoph1945]

Alas; my pride, arrogance, selfishness, and ego had me launching down life like someone commencing a downhill slalom without training, helmet, goggles, padding, or good quality skis! The result, complicated by major drug withdrawal (from prescribed drugs and not asking for help) resulted in a major breakdown, before I was ready, or able, to accept help.

My recovery was assisted by many, often without me fully realising the true value of their care and input at the time. They say that a drowning man will wave and even clutch at straws, in an attempt to survive. There are plenty of folk just waiting to help and support you through what may be very frightening times.

A broken, or bruised, mind is just as capable of being healed as is the body and both are incredibly linked.

If you should feel that you are now out of your depth and in danger of going under for the last time, give us a wave.

Chris

 

[dragonfly]

If you had a broken arm, not only would the people around you strive to lighten the load; but you wouldn't leave your doctor without pain relief, a cast on the arm and a big list of instructions to rehabilitate yourself.

Why is it SO different when our mind is broken?

It's an illness, NOT your fault

Totally. totally agree!
I had my first nervous breakdown in 1992 and have been battling anxiety and depression ever since.
In that time, I've found very few people willing to lighten the load.
I had thought the recent highlighting of mental health on TV and news etc, would have changed things, a but a very recent event has shown me that this is not the case!
Perhaps, if I walk around with a large bandage wrapped around my head, things would be different.

 

[Christoph1945]

Early days yet but you will see more and more people willing to talk about such things and also sharing their stories of recovery. I remember a time when folks would not talk about cancer and at best would refer quietly to big C, or not even mention what had take a relative. Perhaps we fear most what we can't actually see!

 

[deleted user 837354]

I am always very humbled reading threads such as these, and as more than a few TFFers may know I myself have not had the most straight forward life myself by any means. I must say that even though I may be perceived as the forum jester, devils advocate or troll-in-chief some days, I would always be willing to talk to anyone if they think it would be beneficial and they need someone to reach out to. Message me or whatsapp, or on the landline, whatever: I am a good listener.

I would try not be so dismissive of medication either. It can literally save people's lives.

Kind regards to all



Ollie

 

[waterbuffalofarmer]

When you are faced with something which you know is going to cause a lot of anxiety or stress. Mainly when someone, who you have convinced yourself that they have power over you, is asking you to answer a question or make a decision etc there and then. You put on the "golden cloak" and don't commit to an answer straight away. Take time to think about it - as long as you need. This not only gives you time to consider a response when they are not present (instead of hastily rushing to an answer to try and end the anxiety asap) but also turns the tables and gives you some of the power. You are now pulling the strings and they are the ones getting stressed out because they wanted a response straight away - normally by pushing you to the point of cracking.
I've probably made this sound more complicated than it really is but I think it's all about turning the anxiety back on to the person who is causing it to you, if that makes sense?

I cant emphasise enough though that talking to someone - any bugger at all - is both the best but the hardest thing to do. I've been thinking about it quite a bit lately, would it be possible to allow people to make anonymous comments just on this thread? Maybe have an option allowing people to stay anonymous? Although I don't know any fella on here, many others will and being able to comment anonymously will let them to talk to others, get all the shyte out off their heads and help them a great deal. It really really does help! We are guilty in our industry of acting tough and not wanting to show any weakness but I think it shows more toughness to admit when something is wrong.

That's what I reckon anyway.

It's fine, you explained it perfectly
Thank you for that! ??
It takes a lot to admit that we need help, it's a brave thing to do and indeed must be done to achieve a better lifestyle.

I think people can just put little to no info on their profiles or have a second account to comment anonymously if they choose.