- Location
- thames valley
+one
Pathalogical Narcassism (Control freak)and the damage it causes to family members
- Thread starter eternal peter pan
- Start date
there must be something/ someone , out there that could aid /help . Not only with the physical effects but the mental implications being under someone elses control. With it usually being fought by a junior member in the relationship,there usually isnt anyone to turn to for advice .....Loads of people feel sorry for us but no one to help... There are loads of sources of advice for controlling partners/family in relationships but very little advice in buisiness matterts if that is the situation the control is happenning in
- Location
- Cirencester
Afraid not!! You’ve just got to get on with life as best you can. They never change so easiest way is to distance yourself from them as far as you can. They don’t actually realise they have an issue, instead just project onto you.
They are abhorrent creatures and it will eat you up if you let it. I do think certainly in my case you do loose a chunk of life but once you’re overburdened with it you tend to just switch off.
Once that happens life is a lot easier and you’ll find you can actually start to live your own life.
I do think in some respects we end up quite lucky as we learn to cope and it also eventually broadens your views on people, the lovely ones and also the utter arseholes.
Karma will get them one day and if you think about it they lead a very very lonely life with zero enrichment and friends.
I’m afraid they’ll continue to try and manipulate to the grave and in some cases beyond.
Normally it is only one person in a relationship like this but on occasion two can get together and then life can get really hard. In my case it was the latter. Only one left now and it reads my posts on here as it’s got so much time, sad really but it keeps them happy in their insular little world.
They are abhorrent creatures and it will eat you up if you let it. I do think certainly in my case you do loose a chunk of life but once you’re overburdened with it you tend to just switch off.
Once that happens life is a lot easier and you’ll find you can actually start to live your own life.
I do think in some respects we end up quite lucky as we learn to cope and it also eventually broadens your views on people, the lovely ones and also the utter arseholes.
Karma will get them one day and if you think about it they lead a very very lonely life with zero enrichment and friends.
I’m afraid they’ll continue to try and manipulate to the grave and in some cases beyond.
Normally it is only one person in a relationship like this but on occasion two can get together and then life can get really hard. In my case it was the latter. Only one left now and it reads my posts on here as it’s got so much time, sad really but it keeps them happy in their insular little world.
Aye.... I can think of two like that. The fallout in a few years time will be messy.Something else? What like moving to Canada or getting a job in Tesco?
I'm happy enough with our partnership as well but I'm well aware of several family farms that are a ticking time bomb with multiple clashing personalities to say the least...
I'd like to think once I'm your age I'm still game enough to try something else...
- Location
- Penzance
How can you convince a family member out of a potential marriage with a narcissist?
FFS this sounds like members of my family!
betweenthelines
Member
- Location
- southwest
This could, in itself be defined as controlling behaviour.
Is it really anything to do with you?
- Location
- Penzance
Well the person in question is a highly controlling and narcissistic person which my family member wants to be with. I know this because I was friends with her for 3 years. Problem is my family member sees it but refuses to acknowledge it and its getting quite a desperate situation atm in that not just I but everybody in the family is also very concerned. I have been trying to mind my own, but at the same time extremely concerned as it looks like it will turn into an abusive one. She's been trying to coercive control him on certain choices which he protests snd then just agrees and goes with. If he ends up with her he will be a shell of his former self. Yes it could be seen as being controlling in this situation of me, I sm however open to suggestions on what is the best course of action to take. He won't listen to therapists etc, that I know
betweenthelines
Member
- Location
- southwest
TBH this just sounds like lots of relationships where one partner is more dominant than the other. Usually because the perceived "weaker" partner is happy to cede control/responsibility to the other.
There's a lot of amateur psychologists (me included) on this thread
There's a lot of amateur psychologists (me included) on this thread
- Location
- Penzance
I'm not going to list the things she was making him concede on, but it's gotten to the point where she felt uncomfortable around anyone who she doesn't like and then tried to seperate him from the rest of his family, and may I add still trying, because she doesn't feel comfortable. I wouldn't call that healthy
All you can do is be there when the sh1t hits the fan. He is not going to thankyou for interfering and its more likely to have the opposite effect to the one everyone wants.
glasshouse
Member
- Location
- lothians
Thats marriage is it not?
Welly Warmer
Member
You can't.
Once someone is under the influence of a person with npd then the best you could do is just be there for them when it all goes pop. (as above)
Trying to convince them they are under the spell of a narcissist is asking them to admit to themselves and everyone else that they are a bad judge of character and have made a terrible mistake and been duped.
The harder you try to convince them and the better the evidence you present that they are making a mistake they will dig their heels in even more and believe more strongly in the narcissist.
I've tried.
A person under the spell of a narcissist is a victim of the mental illness of the narcissist.
- Location
- West Wales
I have a suspicion about someone being Patholgoically Narcissistic, I know they are on flourexotine for depression and anxiety as they’ve mentioned it before. Is there anything that can be taken directly for this condition?
Thick Farmer
Member
- Location
- West Wales
Unfortunately, there is no cure. Best to just stay away from that type of person.
Coximus
Member
Their isnt anything you can do sadly ---- they clearly love them.... and if you intervene a NPD will either go for you, isolate you or you will feed their power, as many of them have persecution complexes and they thrive on managed conflict - you could inadvertently give them the fuel. NPD tends to implode as sooner or later the narc finishes feeding on their victims and looses interest, or the victim is emotionally and mentally exhausted and can no longer feed the narcs need for supply. Google Narcissistic supply, you will get a good understanding of it.
Sooner or later it will go pop and you need to be their to support your family member who will have had the sunshine sucked out of their sky. You need to help them so they dont get sucked back in when they recover and rebuid - narcs often return to previous prey to feed. they are the emotional vampires of our world. As long as they have a supply of people to drain they can exist. non engagement is best, they are like the dinosaurs in jurrasic park who only see movement, they only see supply - if you dont offer it they dont take it from you.
Sounds like you have experienced a narcassist in your life .Out of intrest how did you come about diagnoseing this problem in the narc .It took me decades to realise the narc in my situation had a personality disorder and wasnt just angry /bitter and twisted ,for want of a better description. Looking in from the outside they can be seen as just strong minded people who want things done their way .Its when the control doesnt stop and tactics used by them become so detrimental to the lives of the victims that another explanation needs to be found for their behaviour. As said before ,its a lightbulb moment when there is an explanation for the irrational behavior towards you. With something like toretts ,which i beleive would be a medical condition it could be explained medically ..With something like narcassism with uncontrolled anger/mood swings etc ,it is hard to diagnose as a disorder as its probably seen by others as a mood swing or something like that . when you live in the crosshairs of these poeple and discovering their problem is a phsycological issue can be a life changeing development for the victim. With knowledge ,that its a personality disfuncion of the narc and not a reflection on the victims personality/behavior hopefully it will empower the victim to either get away from the narc (this seems to be the only real way of loseing their influence over you ) or find ways of changeing the way to interact with them too reduce their power /control over you
Has anyone reading this post ,who understands the whole concept of being the victim of a narc ,rather than just a domonering person (as they are different things) found any form of councelling,that has helped them with resetting their own personality. in my case from being pushed/bribed/blackmailed/guilted etc for so long ,that i now struggle makeing desitsons which is acommon trait in someone under the effects of a long exposure to a narc... the there must be ways of repairing yourself rather than just running away from the narc , so that they cant control you anymore
- Location
- Cirencester
Just have to cut off all contact completely, hard in some cases but your life/well-being will improve dramatically. I think you become numb to it after a long while, once contact is severed you will find you’ll process it gradually in your own time, it’ll always be there to some degree but you find you place it somewhere in your mind where you don’t go very often. Not sure if it’s right or wrong but how it is for me.
Not sure there’s a quick fix unfortunately, maybe someone else knows better but cutting them out of your life if you can is No1 thing to do. Block numbers on phone the works.
Not sure there’s a quick fix unfortunately, maybe someone else knows better but cutting them out of your life if you can is No1 thing to do. Block numbers on phone the works.
- Location
- South Shropshire
Narcissists never ever alter, in fact they often get worse as they get older.
Just cut your losses and go no contact, it’s the only way unfortunately.
Just cut your losses and go no contact, it’s the only way unfortunately.