- Location
- East Essexshire
Tesco own brand zebra!Just like zebra in a plain wrapper
How to move a dead horse?
- Thread starter Inspector Cluedo
- Start date
No barcode!
Philip Watkins
Member
- Location
- Back in Shropshire
Is a zebra a barcoded horse, or is a horse a zebra without a barcode?
There was this zebra who had lived her entire life in a zoo and was getting on a bit so the zoo keeper decided as a treat that she could spend her final years in bliss on a farm. The zebra was so excited, she got out of the horse float to see this huge space with green grass and hill and trees and all these strange animals. She saw a big fat weird looking brown thing and ran up to it all excited, "Hi! I'm a zebra, what are you?" "I'm a cow" said the cow. "Right, and what do you do?" asked the zebra. "I make milk for the farmer" said the cow. "Cool." The zebra then saw this funny looking little white thing and ran over to it. "Hi, I'm a zebra, what are you?" "I'm a chicken," said the chicken. "Oh, right, what do you do?" asked the zebra. "I make eggs for the farmer." said the chicken. "Right - o, great, see ya round." Then the zebra saw this very handsome beast that looked almost exactly like her without the stripes. She ran over to it and said, "Hi, I'm a zebra, what are you?" "I am a Stallion," said the stallion. "Wow," said the zebra. "What do you do?" "Take off your pajamas darling, and I'll show you."
glasshouse
Member
- Location
- lothians
Priceless thread, in stitches from laughing, especially appreciated @fingermouse suggestion to sell horse burgers out the window to passing traffic
Chopping up the horse reminded me of the infamous donkey in skip post on Trucknet years ago:
(Can't remember the authors name)
Back in 2003 I was driving a artic bulker on landfill work for a south London skip firm as well as our own rubbish we did a bit out of other skip yards and council transfer stations.
One firm we pulled out of was a dodgy rough as houses half [zb] outfit who had a couple of old stables in the yard with a a couple of scaby sorry looking donkeys in there. One Thursday afternoon I went in there and one of the donkeys had keeled over and there was already a few flys buzzing round.
The Guvnor wasn't paying for the pet cemetery and came over and said alright if we put it on you. I said no way you can't send it down a landfill site so without blinking he pulled out a wad of cash that could have choked a donkey rolled of a 50 and said are you sure. The colour of money clouded my judgement so I took the 50 and said ok but don't take the pee with it. I pop down to the cafe come back and it's loaded so I Pulled on to the weighbridge all ok so I just shut the easy sheet went back to the yard to park up.
Next morning I got in started the truck and instead of hearing a v8 scania fire up I got the ominous click of a knackerd starter motor and ended up in a spare lorry.
No work Saturday so it was Monday by the time muffin the mule was making his final voyage. 4-30 am I'm in the yard and I'm away down the old Kent road over blackheath down the a2 and off to the dartford tunnel. I got to the barrier and the attendant said your overheight. This wasn't a surprise as my trailer was 15 ft 6 and often something sticking ip would set the sensors off. So I said il go for the right hand tunnel she said no your to high for it pull in to the tanker bay and sort it out.
I pulled in to the bay climbed up to se the now rotting donkey rolled half on it's back and two rigimorticed legs sticking well up in the air. I opened the easy sheet and tried pushing this stinking thing back on it's side but it just kept rolling back over. I grabed one of the legs and tried bending it but it was solid as a oak tree.
By this time I was covered in sweat and flys and heard another truck pull up I looked down to see Tony a guy I worked with he climbed up and just said what the [zb]. Now there was two of us trying to roll the dead donkey and bend it's legs with little sucsess.
He said il be back in a second and returned with a big hacksaw and handed it to me and just said crack on son. My face droped and I said what am I going to do withthat and he replied cut it's [zb] legs off son. I said I can't he said I ain't and have you got a better idea so I set to cutting thrrough the rotting flesh and bone. I was heaving at the blood and maggots going every where but eventualt cut far enough to bend them over. I came down covered in blood with a swarm of flys round me and went through the tunnel and to the landfill at averley.
I tipped it out and the fixer driver jumped out of his d8 saying you can't tip that here and I had to give him 20 quid to keep his mouth shut.
- Location
- Lincolnshire
Can't keep a good thread, or horse, down. Unless it's dead.
- Location
- Exeter, Devon
This thread seems to have come back to life. Wonder if that’s what happened to the horse? 
YorkshireAndrew
Member
- Location
- West / North Yorks border
I think that maybe it just had a really bad sore throat , possibly just a little horse .
- Location
- N.Lincs
But surely, that would be a pony
- Location
- Exeter, Devon
What, £500?But surely, that would be a pony
YorkshireAndrew
Member
- Location
- West / North Yorks border
But surely, that would be a pony
According to my ‘social secretary’ a pony only grows to a certain height whereas a young horse is a foal .
- Location
- N.Lincs
A little horseBut surely, that would be a pony
Well two actually but who's counting
- Location
- South Molton
Scholsey
Member
- Location
- Herefordshire
can we start an appeal to find out what happened, surely it happened long enough ago that it should be available under the freedom of information act?
Hindsight
Member
- Location
- Lincolnshire
This thread seems to have come back to life. Wonder if that’s what happened to the horse?
Be a bit smelly by now
ridger
Member
- Location
- Tyrone, Northern Ireland
Answer was on another thread somewhere, think there was a domestic dispute about it becoming public knowledge lol
But surely, that would be a pony
Yeah, it's my Lidl pony
(with apologies if posted before, only just 'discovered' this thread)
Chopsy Varmint
Member
Actually, there are some little horse breeds that are no taller than ponies:But surely, that would be a pony
And then you have ponies that are in fact as tall as horses and would be horses if they had a different job.
